What the fuck is with these pants? The last time I wore these pants I peed on a guy. I blamed the pants immediately, but also took some personal responsibility for my urinating carelessness. Last week I picked the pants up from the cleaners. Yesterday I wore them to work. But another restroom incident has me wondering if the pants are cursed in some way. Were they worn by a dead guy? Perhaps that “inspected by 27” tag really means some seamstress in a Haitian sweat shop put a curse on them.
You walk into the bathroom at work and there are sinks on the left before you hit the urinal. The urinal is recessed so that you kind of have to make a quick left past the sinks before you can get to it. It’s hidden get it? Normally I’m a monotasker. One thing at a time. But today I’m like Superman.
See. He’s dropping Trou as he’s passing where the sinks would be so that by the time he gets to the left turn he’s ready to go. But apparently, I’m not fucking Superman. ‘Cause when I turn the corner with pants at half-mast ready to let go, I run right into a guy who’s decided to turn around and attempt the Superman maneuver in the opposite direction. I won’t admit to a collision, but fuck, AKWARD!
I mean what do you say at a time like this? “How you doing?” “I see you like Superman too” “I never knew you were Jewish” “Does this look infected to you?” Now what? Have I challenged him to some kind of duel? Weapons of choice, but no sword fighting please! Maybe I should play it safe and refuse to wear any pants at work.
On to gaming:
I put about 10 hours into Test Drive Unlimited. I really wanted to like this game. I should like this game. My friends liked this game. But not me. It’s not that it’s a bad game by any means. They actually modeled the whole island of Oahu. Literally. You can drive around the whole island and it looks great. I don’t know of any other racing game where you can drive so many miles on different roads. Need for Speed: The Run could only manage to do this for about 5 minutes at a time. In TDU, you can drive for hours and never see the same thing twice. It’s amazing. But the gameplay didn’t resonate with me. At first I thought it might be the poor graphics of the character models. I picked the hottest chick for my character, from a distance she looks pretty good, sexy dress, etc. But as you get closer, the blocky graphics make her boobs look like they are made out of Legos, all corners and edges. And she’s got some weird skin thing going on. Plus, when she smiles, she looks like some creepy Zombie. But I’ve played games with sub-par graphics and liked them before so that’s not it.
I still can’t put my finger on exactly what is wrong with that game for me. All I know is that as I played it I found myself getting cranky. Bitter. Bored. That’s not what gaming should be about.
Once I popped in Driver: San Francisco though, all was right with the world. It’s modern, yet it’s also retro 70’s cool. Great soundtrack, fun missions. And the map of San Francisco is HUGE. Why it’s been so drastically marked down at Gamefly already I have no idea. I love this game
I’ve been doing the car themed games and movies for a little over a week now. Last night’s movie was the remake of Gone in 60 seconds. The 2000 version. Total Crap. Who writes this stuff? Oh yeah, JJ Abrams of Lost fame. Apparently JJ was saving the good stuff for his own show, because this turd pile of a movie is comically bad. But not bad enough for me to recommended to fans of really bad movies. The CGI is really intrusive when you watch it in Blu Ray. I seem to be a member of the pre-CGI car movie school of thought. You know, when actual stuntmen did actual stunts. CGI makes it too easy. It’s the lazy man’s formula for action. Luckily I had copy of Rifftrax Best of Shorts vol 1 on hand from Netflix. I had to stay up late and watch it to get the bad taste of the steaming turd pile that was Gone in 60 Seconds out of my mouth. Now I have to watch the Fast and Furious franchise. Pray for me.
Pretty lengthy today. If I knew how to do those cool blog section headers I could separate stuff out so you could skip to the part you want to read. You know. A section on Movies, a section on Games, a section on my Urinal Misadventures. I’ll work on that.
Stay classy San Diego