I shall start with declaring my inability to decipher left and right
At some point when everyone else was learning the difference between left and right I was learning to speak a second language and got confused... and soon thereafter I was training in dance and performing arts and spending as much time as dancers do in front of the mirror hearing things like left hand higher and visually seeing a right hand twitch. I never untangled which is which and to this day I have trouble following and giving directions that include left and right.
I have very good spacial recognition and visualizing what I mean in my head... but when it leaves my mouth... it hit or miss... I'd say 80% miss... so its not even like I'm consistent enough for people to know what I mean... I'm not really dyslexic but numbers sometimes get a little jumbled up as I still do maths in my head using Chinese (the multiplication times table rhymes)
Why am I rambling about this? well... Last night determined to finish Self Defense once and for all I knuckled down and got to business... I was doing fine, perfect in fact till I got to the blocking where the guy will occasionally randomly shout LEFT HAND HIGH, RIGHT LEG LOW.... and I would instantly mess up.... but I didn't realize it was the vocal commands confusing me I had a disconnect as to why I was messing up so bad.
So it took me the better part of an hour to get though the last two levels of punch block.
At some point Nick complained about the *ting* *ting* *ting* sound that was echoing though my headset every time I got a move right so I muted the game... instantly I was better.
Additionally the kinect likes to think I have little tiny t-rex arms and it has trouble deciding if I'm holding my arms over my torso or my face.
As I rounded the home stretch to the last of the five stars expecting two achievements and only one popping I just about had an aneurysm... redoing the last of that level perfect then redoing all of the last levels for each reflex level perfect. The ranking bar would not budge already maxed out.
With the depressing thought of redoing the WHOLE game over I threw a wobbly and did the cardio series perfect SAME THING AGAIN! expecting two achievements and only getting one...
The only thing I can think of is this game HATES it when you unlock two achievements at once.... here's a video of my glitched progress
So going to bed rather angry I woke up really early and got right back on the horse with a new save file... knocked out the missing cardio achievement this morning and huffed angrily though the first 15 attack rehearsals and half the reflex module.
At this point I'm going crazy trying to entertain myself while playing this game...Me:
oh look this guy wants to give me a hugGame:
Kick his shin Me
: aww okay... Game:
Grab him by the back of the neck and pull his head down towards your kneeMe:
but... hes kinda cuteGame:
Put your foot behind his and push the opposite shoulder get your attacker off balance Me:
but he only wanted a HUG! Game
: Now punch him in the testicles with a closed fist Me:
really? not even an open hand... I can't even cop a feel? JEEEZ! LAME!
I hate all the fear-mongering this game promotes too "Try not to walk alone at night"... "Carry your purse under your arm and your hand on the strap"... "Use everyday objects such as keys or a stone in a ring, a trash can lid or magazine to aid protecting yourself from attackers"
And no where in the game did I learn how to protect myself when caught up in a cat fight... Punching HER
in the testicles isn't really an option... Women are much dirtier fighters... do you know how deep nails can penetrate the skin?!
This game is a turd... I said it was a turd from day one... its a easy-ish turd... but its still A GIANT FUCKING GLTICHY TURD!
I want to put it in a blender and then set the little sad shards on fire with a creme brulee torch... then put the burnt remains in a mortar and pestle and grind it to a fine powder.
In PUG recap... I guess I technically passed for the week... but failed the bonus objective :(
Week three doesn't really have a theme yet but I plan for some Brunswick Bowling and some Jurassic Parking... the rest of my weekend I plan to go see