Achievement Preview Spotlight: Deadpool

By Jonathan Barnes, 3 years ago
As we wade (Wilson?) through the final days of E3 2013, it's important that we don't give all of the attention to games that won't be coming out for months (or years). Let's take a moment to give a modicum of attention to next week's big release, Deadpool (Xbox 360), in our Achievement Preview Spotlight.

Deadpool here, and I'm totally jacking on this 'write-up'. And I promise I won't be making any awful puns like 'wade (Wilson?) through', osubluejacket (if that even is your real name). Here's an interesting factoid for you: I wasn't even going to bother putting achievements in my game, but then some corporate drone at High Moon Studios mentioned 'achievement wh*res' and their gathering places like this one to me. *Sold it!*

Starting with the basics, only nine of the game's fifty achievements are "Secret", so we've got a choice look at exactly what completionists will be in for. At first glance, you'll have achievements for completing the game on Ultra-Violence! and Veteran difficulties, acquiring collectibles, and purchasing all Player Upgrades, but the rest of the achievements are... shall we say, unique.

Of course they're unique! This isn't one of your "Gears of Mass Halo Duty's", this is freaking Deadpool! *casually gestures at the gagged and hogtied osubluejacket, and rolls eyes* This guy...
Near the top of the achievement list, we've got a pop that caused my eyebrow to raise and is definitely worth a glance.

The first one's free! in Deadpool (Xbox 360)
Get off your well-toned bottom

One would assume that this is going to be a "gimme", but what if Kinect is involved? WHAT IF!?

Everyone loves a freebie. Here's another freebie: my tip for a perfectly well-toned bottom is tantric yoga with a katana blade gripped firmly between your cheeks. osubluejacket agrees, don't you? Try not to rock backwards and forwards too much, obj. We want the blood pumping, not flowing.
I'm going to go ahead and just point out this next achievement and description and leave it here without comment.

Makin’ a game! in Deadpool (Xbox 360)
Play with Deadpool's junk

...again... no comment.

COMMENT: to make the most of this achievement you need very large hands.
There was once a song that lumped "messing around with Jim" in with "spitting in the wind" and "tugging on Superman's cape" as things one should not do. I propose adding the execution of this achievement to the list as well.

Let's try one more time... in Deadpool (Xbox 360)
Slap Wolverine a bunch of times

You have to have bigger huevos than I to slap Wolverine once, much less "a bunch of times". Part of me wonders if they left out "...and survive" of the description.

Some faces are just asking for a slap or ten, and screw the consequences. And if you're being strong-armed into including a claw-handed jughead into your game because he 'shifts units', then I think we can afford to remind him whose game it is... with our fists... repeatedly... in the face... and maybe also junk... at least once... hard... and with purpose.
This next achievement is near and dear to my heart as a former office monkey.

PC LOAD LEAD-ER in Deadpool (Xbox 360)
Shoot up the copier in the bridge offices

I want to go there.

If you don't make a batch of copies of all my most delicate bits and post them in everybody's pigeon holes before shooting the copier up, you're doing it wrong. That bit didn't fit on the achievement description though, so don't come crying to me that it's 'glitched' when it doesn't unlock for you.
When it comes to picking out the achievement destined for ratio glory in Deadpool, there are quite a few options. That being said, I'm going to go out on a shaky limb and throw this achievement to the head of the class.

Cole'd Blooded in Deadpool (Xbox 360)
Combo an entire wave on any Gold-tier Challenge map

Achievements like this always seem to require a mix of skill, timing, and a healthy dose of luck. With a base score of 50G, I would bet this one is going to be a beast.

Speaking of beasts, I earned this achievement whilst dining with all of your mothers the other day; something that in itself required "a mix of skill, timing, and a healthy dose of luck", not to mention a blindfold and heaps of anti-nausea medication. If you can't all earn it whilst sitting in your slacks and eating chimichangas, then I weep for the skills of modern gamers.
As we get closer to the end of this generation, it is a supreme breath of fresh air when developers really go out of their way to make their achievement lists as entertaining as they are challenging. From the look of it, High Moon Studios have gone above and beyond to capture the zaniness of the protagonist in his own game. Let's just hope that the game delivers as many quality hours of fun as it does chuckles.

I can capture my own zaniness thank you very much! Just as soon as I get High Moon to add it to the list of collectibles.
Deadpool is set for a release on June 25th in North America and June 28th in Europe.

And don't forget, all you achievement wh*res, call me!
If there's an upcoming game or DLC pack that you'd like to see featured in the Achievement Preview Spotlight, be sure to let us know in the comments!
Jonathan Barnes
Written by Jonathan Barnes
Jonathan has been a news/views contributor since 2010. When he's not writing reviews, features, and opinion pieces, he spends his days working as an informal science educator and his nights as an international man of mystery.