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Activision Threatens to Buy Out EA

Activision Threatens to Buy Out EA

CEOs to brawl at Wrestlemania

Written by osubluejacket on 01 April 11 at 11:18

In a shocking development, Activision President and CEO Bobby Kotick threatened to buy out Electronic Arts. In a statement released today, April 1st, Kotick was quoted as saying:

I have an immense respect for EA’s Online Pass program and, rather than copy it, I’ve decided that it’s in Activision’s best interest to simply buy the entire publisher and form what I’m calling “Axis Entertainment” which will dominate the globe for the next 100 years.

Such news came as a shock to EA’s CEO, John Riccitiello who had heard nothing of the deal:

I don’t know what (Kotick) is thinking. Activision could never buy out EA. In fact, we’re planning on buying out Activision! I’ve always admired the way that they can milk every last cent out of a franchise then discard the crippled, anemic shell into a darkened abyss.

This back and forth, while highly entertaining, is no doubt a publicity stunt to whet gamers appetites for the real event. As revealed at 12:01 AM, EDT on today, April 1st, the two CEOs are scheduled to put everything on the line in a steel cage match at this weekend’s Wrestlemania XXVII. WWE’s Vince McMahon has dubbed the match “The Slaughter in Silicon Valley” and is excited to see the two titans of industry stepping into the steel cage this weekend:

Kotick’s one mean son-of-a-bitch! Did you see what that guy did to Guitar Hero!? He’s liable to bring brass knuckles and the withered remains of the Tony Hawk franchise with him into the cage. On the other hand, if you look across the aisle at Riccitiello, he’s scrappy. I mean this guy had the balls to steal the brains of Infinity Ward right out from under Kotick’s nose. This is going to be a war. I expect to see blood.

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In one more shocking revelation, it has been revealed that Cliff Bleszinski, the Design Director at Epic Games will be serving as the special guest referee. CliffyB weighed in with one final comment:

If Fox News thought Bulletstorm was violent, they definitely should NOT check out this weekend’s “The Slaughter in Silicon Valley”. I’ll also be live tweeting during the match so let me know who you want to win!

Categories: Industry News

AuthorMessage
Breadly Weapon
127,171
Breadly Weapon - Kentucky Derby day...it's gonna be a long one..I'm a gonna need some beer when this is done
TrueAchievement Ratio: 1.5425Achievement Completion Percentage: 85.49% (Includes owned DLC) - 22 more achievements required to reach 86%114 posts
Last post: 08 Apr at 15:47
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:20
I hope Activision wins...I'd take Guitar Hero Killers over Online Pass fools any day
Obi TW0
71,838
Obi TW0 - Finished the ME3 story...I'm not ashamed to say I loved the ending. Take that Internets!
71,8388 posts
Last post: 15 Mar at 21:33
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:23
It's after 12pm, aren't April Fools supposed to stop now?
Heartworks
220,906
Heartworks
220,906TA Pro user373 posts
Last post: Yesterday at 23:31
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:23
April Fool's surely?
Neko Pounce
122,666
Neko Pounce - 4th week at work, second week of waking up at 5:30 am. Ssure, I like money, but this fucking hurts my head.
122,666239 posts
Last post: 13 May at 12:40
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:23
I'm not to sure about this idea, But the first thing that came to mind when i looked was April fools >_>
PierciT
63,940
PierciT - https://signup.leagueoflegends.com/fr/signup/index?ref=4c026436c44b1
63,94022 posts
Last post: 01 Apr at 11:24
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:24
Ahahahaha! Almost get caught!!!!
Kid Kime
87,372
Kid Kime - Wanted: Friends to Hug in Portal 2...please!
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Last post: 25 Apr at 12:05
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:24
April Fools ended at 12 noon
Neko Pounce
122,666
Neko Pounce - 4th week at work, second week of waking up at 5:30 am. Ssure, I like money, but this fucking hurts my head.
122,666239 posts
Last post: 13 May at 12:40
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:25
Kid Kime said:April Fools ended at 12 noon

Time zones? :3
tsunamishadow
55,015
tsunamishadow - There are few things on the internet that make me smile. One is seeing a considerably smaller friends list. :D
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Last post: 25 Apr at 19:53
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:29
In other news, WiiRemotes and PlayStation Move are now cross compatiable!
DavieMarshall
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DavieMarshall - But seriously Catwoman DLC can fuck off. The challenge rooms really leave a bad mark on an A title.
TrueAchievements Social ManagerTrueAchievement Ratio: 1.73173,817 posts
Last post: Yesterday at 22:59
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:30
Obi TW0 said:It's after 12pm, aren't April Fools supposed to stop now?

The world is huge, and the internet knows no bounds...
TrueAchievements Newshound Twitter @DavieMarshall
Comrade Rage77
49,341
Comrade Rage77
49,34110 posts
Last post: 20 Dec at 14:51
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:31
As soon as I read "Axis Entertainment" I knew it was a joke.
Neko Pounce
122,666
Neko Pounce - 4th week at work, second week of waking up at 5:30 am. Ssure, I like money, but this fucking hurts my head.
122,666239 posts
Last post: 13 May at 12:40
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:31
tsunamishadow said:In other news, WiiRemotes and PlayStation Move are now cross compatiable!

This. Love it clap
a Random Mole
74,081
a Random Mole - Can ya dig it?
74,081Achievement Completion Percentage: 67.49% (Includes owned DLC) - 20 more achievements required to reach 68%145 posts
Last post: 14 Jan at 01:57
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:31
This isn't a fair fight at all... Kotick has no soul and will most likely rip out Riccitello's throat with his teeth and bathe in his blood... I imagine he will throw in some low blows too...

Those eyes...

Those... Souless eyes...
I COODA
1,916
I COODA - Falcons!
1,916205 posts
Last post: 11 Mar at 20:24
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:32
Bobby Kotick is somebody that I do not respect at all...
EvilMoomin
149,072
EvilMoomin
149,07214 posts
Last post: 12 Apr at 22:13
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:32
Next year i'm not going to go anywhere near the internet on April 1st.
joshy495
38,212
joshy495 - anyone else having serious problems with live?
Achievement Completion Percentage: 84.65% (Includes owned DLC) - 5 more achievements required to reach 85%TrueAchievement Ratio: 1.546763 posts
Last post: 29 Dec at 23:36
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:34
its 6am here... i just started my pranking schedule
495 constantly tilting at windmills
zigs00
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zigs00
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Last post: 18 Sep at 13:56
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:38, Edited on 01 April 11 at 11:39 by zigs00
a Random Mole said:This isn't a fair fight at all... Kotick has no soul and will most likely rip out Riccitello's throat with his teeth and bathe in his blood... I imagine he will throw in some low blows too...

Those eyes...

Those... Souless eyes...
Not only that, but he does own and live inside a Death Star. I imagine it would be against the rules, but I'm sure he'd liberally use it in a fight to obliterate the opponent.

But saying that, Riccitello does have the power of invisibility, which I'm sure would make him harder to hit with a laser.


Either way, it's gunna be a great match. I've not watched wrestling in years, but I'll definitely tune in to watch this!
dancrozier
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dancrozier - I can't believe Game gave me £38 trade in on these 9 titles Pes 08/ Pes 09 / forza 2 / fusion frenzy / alone in the dark
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Last post: 15 May at 16:51
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:38
This made me smile :-)
Reborn Insanity
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Reborn Insanity - All your Diablo 3 are bleong to me... tomorrow!
Achievement Completion Percentage: 61.28% (Includes owned DLC) - 38 more achievements required to reach 62%7,509 votes2,763 posts
Last post: Today at 05:09
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:39
Lolz at Axis entertainment.
Reborn Insanity - "The last thing you never see."
Rossa AU
113,222
Rossa AU
113,22240 posts
Last post: 16 Apr at 03:03
 Posted on 01 April 11 at 11:43, Edited on 01 April 11 at 11:45 by Rossa AU
In other news; Microsoft has announced they are to buy out Sony in a last minute deal, which actually started by the 2 companies arguing about who had the better console logo.
This deal will result in cross platform play and xbox 360 games working on PS3 consoles. The CEO of the new bigger microsoft however stated that because of the Blu-Ray drive in the PS3's, PS3 games will not be possible on Xbox 360.

:P
 
 
 
 
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