x J Baby243,486 (153,960)

My FIFA Apology

Me and my mate played a game of FIFA the other day and he thrashed me considerably. Part of the game is that if you lose by margins of five or more you have to write an apology on their Facebook wall so everybody can see it. Thought I'd share mine with you.
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Pete. It is with shame and regret that I tentatively pen this inadequate attempt at atonement. The past two hours have granted me significant levels of perspective, pertaining not only to my immense inferiority regarding the game of FIFA, but conversely, the ungodly quantities of panache, flair and finesse that seems to ooze from every one of your orifices, like lava issued from a freshly erupted volcano, systematically destroying everything in its path.

I speak, of course, of the fucking disgusting and disgraceful performance which took place this afternoon, whereby, to synopsise for the sake of taste, your fantastic Man Utd squad devastated and dominated my helpless Shalke 11 in an outcome that would shake any sentient person worth a damn to their very foundations. The result; 8 - 2, signifying the nail in my coffin visa vee my FIFA career and self esteem. Your gloating, a prominent component of our competitive relationship, slowly morphed into a strange concoction of nausea and pity altering the atmosphere and energy of the room such that the tension could be sliced with a knife. I hereby pledge myself to your guidance and eagerly await the first instalment of my training.

Sincerely, Jack
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If I'd have lost by any more there are other more egregious rules to follow, luckily I managed to score a couple of last minute scorchers!