Here they are, the usual suspects all revving their engines in impatience before BAM we all jet away at breakneck speed and my kart hangs on the back of some geode cruiser through truly appalling collision detection, spiralling off into a dead end as the Flinstone-murmuration zips off into the distance. Surely I’ve come unstuck with my own eagerness to succeed?
My kart is so finely tuned and Cro-Mag Rally so unbalanced that even in reverse I can scale what look like voxel mountains from PC classic Outcast at startling speeds. My character, some sort of Jurassic-era Ayrton Senna, corners with tachometer screeching in permanent red-zone, sometimes lapping the gormless opposition multiple times over in a miserable, juddering loop of painful attrition.
Even with art direction plucked, quite literally, from the year 2000, Citizen 12’s port runs with all the grace of a pre-Logue George the VI, stammering its way through eight or nine stages of gratuitous corners, sticky obstacles and wholly unnecessary power-ups; devoid of fillip, devoid of fun.
Tilting the WP7 handset in constant see-saw motion, the whole garish world lollops and lulls, never quite settling in the hand, with the ‘gather’ play-mode, a race in which you are tasked with collecting 8 arrowheads en-route to the finish, a particular source of frustration as karts judder unapologetically around bodkin after bodkin, with torturous, shopping-trolley-with-one-wheel-magnetically-locked-as-you-tried-to-take-it-out-of-the-car-park turning circles the final straw in an all round horrible game.
Still, the achievements were easy.
Taken from my blog - http://gamesIRL.co.uk