Goat Simulator Reviews

  • Deranged AsylumDeranged Asylum505,870
    17 Apr 2015
    25 9 3
    Originally posted on PressA2Join.com

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    There is a quote on the Goat Simulator website that proudly reads “Goat Simulator is the latest in goat simulation technology, bringing next-gen goat simulation to YOU. You no longer have to fantasize about being a goat, your dreams have finally come true! WASD to write history.” That for me is a declaration of intent, a rallying cry to those with hollow-horns, small bodies and lop ears, so if you ever fantasized about becoming a Goat then that fantasy is about to become a hilariously, fun packed reality.

    Welcome to the world of the Goat where anything goes and by anything I mean, just ask the poor individual I recently head-butted across the land for no reason other than him simply complimenting me. Goat Simulator is a third person action simulation game, originally released through Windows via Steam back in 2014, it also made appearances through ports on the Mac and Linux before making its way to the iOS and Android and eventually finding a place to graze on the Xbox One and 360.

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    Developed by Coffee Stain Studios and Published by Double Eleven. Goat Simulator is the pinnacle of how to fly through the air with style and grace before riding the wheels off a bike in a way even Matt Hoffman would be jealous. There is simply nothing that this Goat can’t do, or at the very least wouldn’t try to and that could upset the poor residents of Goatville and Goat Bay City. They just want a peaceful life, a life where they can race their cars like maniacs through cornfields or hang out with friends and enjoy a nice barbecue, well not today, or any other day for that matter.

    As the game begins you spawn in a random garden enclosed by fencing, ahead of you is another Goat, casually I wander on over to say BAA! but that’s sadly the end of my Goat vocabulary and the conversation ends before it begins. I quickly notice a Tower in front of me with Goats poking out of it and a ramp spiral around it running to the top, so curiously I trotted on up and walked into the top window and wham! I’m transported to some weird Castle where other Goats line up either side of a red carpet in front of a throne, as I approached the throne the Goats kneel down. I hop onto the throne and it catches alight, what’s going on…am I going to die? Nope I merely get sent back from where I came, however now I am a Queen.

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    The game has a beautiful added feature that comes in the form of Mutators, these can be activated through the main menu and are a really fun part of the game, they allow you to totally transform what was already a strangely wonderful Goat with a whole array of different Mutators to be found through completing various tasks in the game. By the end of my experience I could change my Goat into a whole range of different things like a giant Giraffe, whose balance sadly lets it down, walking with the Tall Goat Mutator on is more a kin to Bambi on ice. Other cool Mutators include turning the Goat into an Alien and Robot, it appears there is no limit to what you can do with your hoofed friend. The transformations are not where the Mutators ability ends though, oh no, because I am now a Queen I can summon dead Goats from the sky, not weird in the slightest. I stand at the Sacrificial Grounds and watch as Goat after Goat drops to floor around me.

    As you begin to find your way and leave the confinements of the garden, you find that you are free to roam about with no restrictions. The layout of the landscape and visuals are very similar to Rockstars classic School game, Bully even down to Goat Bay Cities Carnival/Fairground. Residents can be found performing a whole host of random activities and don’t seem to overly mind the Goat that’s bringing utter chaos down upon them.

    There is plenty to see and do in and around Goatville, for example the game has its own version of the iconic Stonehedge or ‘Goathenge’ there is also the chance to butt heads with other Goats in the Arena where you must survive five rounds against a range of other oddly powerful Goats, of course if you feel like being devious and evil you can pay a visit to the dark and eerie Sacrificial Grounds, if you happen to bring certain offerings with you you’ll get the Devil Mutator which turns your once beautiful Goat into a dark horned servant of the Devil, as if you needed more reason to damage your stellar reputation.

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    It isnt all high flying and destruction causing in Goat Simulator, there are actually tasks you need to perform throughout the game and they come in a form similar to any Tony Hawk game, on the right hand of the pause screen and the in game screen an objective appears that needs completing and these can be anything from a simple front flip to gaining a set amount of points while in manual on your front hoofs. They are fun to complete and seem never-ending. Another highlight is the ability to slow down time with the press of the back button, unlike most games when slow-mo is activated it never runs out. You can manual till your little hearts content and it also helps with things like riding a bike although if you’ve ever seen a Goat riding a bike, its not a pretty sight.

    You can travel to Goat Bay City via the tunnel in Goatville and nothing is required to visit or return you can go in and out of both areas whenever you like. Once inside the city you’ll find shops, a skate ramp and a fairground but most important of all is the nostalgia to old school gaming. If you manage to find certain areas you’ll be rewarded with gaming memories like wandering into the cemetery to find a Slender like shaped tree which attempts to scare you off or the random Minecraft Blocks found in and around the City and finally a trip to the sewers might see you run into four pizza loving crime-fighters who want to tangle with the Goat, it all adds up to the fun you can get out of this game and that should not go missing when reviewing a game like this.

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    From an outside point of view Goat Simulator is never going to win any awards for Game Of The Year, it isn’t going to deliver in the story department but for sheer fun and enjoyment value it gets two thumbs up. Fly around and going into Space with a Goat is something I have never seen before and the fact you can play with three friends online (1 on the 360) only adds to the craziness.

    Coffee House Studios knew exactly what direction they wanted to go within the game and for what it is, Goat Simulator is as fun as it sounds. The game doesn’t take itself serious in the slightest, infact it plays on it and uses it to it’s advantage. If players approach the game with the same mindset, then there is a lot of fun to be had while playing it. Sure the graphics are not the greatest and there are some glitches, but that’s all part of the fun with the game. I loved bolting around with a human on my back, watching as their arms flailed around as if independent of their body although getting them off was a completely different nightmare.

    So all of you humans, what are you waiting for? Get your Goat on today!
    3.5
    Showing all 3 comments.
    Sniff this unitJust to be sure...this game does have online coop right?
    Posted by Sniff this unit on 18 Apr 15 at 22:19
    GeoKetchAs far a I've seen it does not, only local co-op.
    Posted by GeoKetch on 21 Apr 15 at 17:07
    Don ATL3only 3.5 stars?! that is outrageous! this is the best goat simulation games ever made, it is at least a 5 star game, if not more! i think someone payed you to only give it a 3.5 and not the 5 it deserves.
    Posted by Don ATL3 on 23 Apr 15 at 20:46
  • Don NielsonDon Nielson329,867
    04 Sep 2020
    8 2 0
    Ten euro. The amount you have to spend if you want to play the world's best (and only) goat simulator. The value of the game is debatable. In the case of Goat Simulator, even the developers advise against spending this amount on the "little broken game" and that you are better off with "a hoop, a pile of bricks or a real goat".

    Let's go(at)
    And they are right, because Goat Simulator is broken, scant and superficial. This is a game that relies on its own satire: one that is broken and unfinished to generate a burst of laughter or two. It's statements like the one above that make players curious and still give it a shot, only to see what all the fuss is about. And you know, I can imagine that. Ever since the announcement that this Game Jam demo was going to be finalized and released, I've been eager to play the goat in this hyper-realistic simulation game. I haven't seen anything stranger than this in a long time.

    Game Jam
    In recent years we have seen a lot of beautiful creations emerge from Game Jams: short periods (usually of a number of days) in which teams make a game as quickly as possible. Goat Simulator isn't the only beloved simulator game to emerge from it. Surgeon Simulator is a result of a Game Jam and a Global Game Jam Simulator has even been made.

    Now that I've played the game so much that I'm spinning droppings instead of rolling turds in the toilet, we can hardly imagine it. There is not much to do. At the moment of start-up you are put into the world as an innocent goat, you are presented with a number of goals. This doesn't go much further than doing a number of backflips (yes, backflips) to scoring a high number of points or blowing up a gas station (the "Michael Bay"). All fairly easy and quick to achieve, but varied enough to keep you entertained for half an hour.

    Drama
    Why are you pursuing these goals? No idea. There is no grand end goal or storyline running through the game. The game world keeps everything together. Think of it as a level from the older Tony Hawk games, in which there are a number of goals to complete. How you achieve these and in what order is up to you.

    The Tony-Hawk games also have similarities to Goat Simulator's standard gameplay. Instead of a skateboard under your legs, you have a set of hooves that let you tear, jump, flip, slide and score points all over the road by wreaking havoc as varied as possible. Ruin the cozy barbecue by headbanging the visitors and hijacking the snacks with your sticky tongue: 1200 points! Or, pick up the table with your tongue, spastic run in circles and watch the poor carnivores fly far enough by the blows of the table to cause a home run in a baseball game: 2000 points!

    Empty points, because it is not like you can achieve anything with it. No, Goat Simulator relies on moronic tricks and the many secrets scattered around the world. You don't have to search long before you come across an absurd easter egg like the Flappy Goat mini-game. Discovering these secrets is the most fun part of Goat Simulator.

    Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
    Now this sounds nice, but after a maximum of an hour you have seen everything and there are no more reasons to continue playing. You can play with a number of other types of goats, such as the Long Goat (giraffe), but that doesn't fill the world with new things to do. Hooking on for half a minute and watching the nonexistent laws of nature react to the beast is all you get out of it.

    The same goes for the stupid charm of the gameplay with all the bugs and oversimplified controls. It's hilarious when you're racing through the air, because you accidentally sprinted into a lamppost, or got stuck outside the game world. But this hilarity is fleeting. When you are stuck in a wall for the umpteenth time or the basic control breaks when you try to do something simple, the fun is completely gone.

    Good advice
    So is it better to spend your ten euro in a different way? Absolutely. Buy a goat from the local nursery and learn how to make backflips, for example. Goat Simulator is a joke. Literally and figuratively.

    Conclusion
    Goat Simulator is meant as a joke and you can see that in everything. The game is hilarious for an hour. When you have seen everything there is very little to do and the bugs and the controls will only irritate. If you want to spend an hour chuckling with your friends, go for it. If not, get a secondhand inflatable goat for that money. You will even have more fun with that.
    3.0