Rambo: The Video Game Reviews

  • TitleInLargeTitleInLarge273,995
    20 Jan 2015 25 Jan 2015
    42 2 13
    Let’s face it, 2013 was not a very good year for the gaming industry. It started off with Aliens Colonial Marines, the broken copyright system on YouTube, Ride to Hell Retribution, broken Battlefield 4, the worst Call of Duty ever: Ghosts, DRM-mania, and the icing on the cake, Dungeon Keeper Mobile. That is, until it got worse later in 2014... Broken games were the trend for AAA developers who even created “Please don’t sue us” terms and conditions before you played their games, *cough* Ubisoft *cough*. All of this, however, began with a man who we’d never thought would enter the gaming dimension: John Rambo. Wait what!? What the hell is he doing in a video game? Didn't he retire from the entertainment world in 2008?

    Now before we get off to the review in depth I would like to discuss the positives of this game, which truly represents what next gen gaming, should be. The installation size is 2GB which is very small memory and the checkpoint loading times are immediately ready when you click “Reload/Retry”, and…that’s about it. Sorry Rambo... That’s all you’ve got going.

    If you wish to know why this game has been given such a hardcore backlash being called the Worst Game of 2014 and one of the worst games of all time, take a seat and grab your favourite snack. Be warned! This is not a short quick review. Everything from the casual/hardcore gaming and technical perspective is covered here!

    I have played this game longer than anybody ever should have, earned every single achievement and have even hit Rank 4 on the all-time global leaderboard (because I did it for poor John...). This review will also contain spoilers revealing plot points from the movies the game abuses, so if you haven't seen them, I recommend you get the DVDs and enjoy yourself. Or else... *sigh* here we go...

    THE STORY (2/10): "A 'this never happened in the films' scenario"
    In case you didn't know, Rambo is a big action movie character icon who is known for being a troubled soldier experiencing traumatic stress disorder from being in the Vietnam wars, who goes on a big killing rampage. His journey throughout the 3 core films this game is based on (First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part 2 and Rambo III) start off with him being sent home after finding out he is the last man in his unit (a bit like Saving Private Ryan), except he comes home to a town with a corrupt sheriff who bullies him to the point where Rambo's trauma from the wars takes effect on his behaviour. Rambo becomes desperate in his search to find peace that he gets shifty, violent and bloody, progressively telling his story throughout the series of films. He is a guilty pleasure for action film lovers for being very cheesy.

    The game narrates the three films each cut into several pieces to make for the levels in-game. You are given the narration by Colonel Trautman who served with Rambo, paying respects for Rambo at a graveyard who is supposedly dead. Unlike the films however, the plot information and story of Rambo is quickly rushed in your face, jump cutting quotes from the Colonel himself, quickly jump cutting second long clips of scenes that are supposed to be explained in better context and adding made up sequences that aren't present or stay true to the films. It isn't trying to come off as a sequel or a fresh storyline for Rambo. It is taking out essentially 3/4ths of the Rambo film scenes and chucking them aside to make less gameplay (which is never a good sign) and get to the point of the plot, which again, is transitioned very poorly.

    The cutscenes that are played all play the same musical tune of Rambo's theme, each are rendered as very ugly PlayStation 2 graphical animations of the actual film scenes themselves, and you can barely hear the dialogue being said when the audio levels are out of sync. It is very tear jerking watching these scenes, as they are so bad they're good. laugh

    Personally, I would love to see a movie video game take us through all aspects and timelines of the film so that we miss nothing out. I guess the films are too boring for the developers to make decent material out of the other scenes like stealth, free roam or hell, freedom to move your character! *ahem* But I digress.
    Throughout your gameplay you will play the action sections of the films, as the publisher proudly said, I repeat the quote, "Get under the skin of Rambo and wield his iconic weapon-set in battle." *Cough* Bullshit!! *cough*

    GAMEPLAY (1/10): "Your own war you won't win"
    Do you remember the on-rails-arcade shooters that are/were in your local cinemas and bowling venues? You were able to pick up a plastic light gun that was chained to the coin vendor and you would have to aim with real precision and clip in the trigger to shoot away enemies in a targeting range of many video games that never took themselves seriously, such as Resident Evil, Time Crisis and The House of the Dead. You could even play the games cooperatively with a friend using the second light gun next to you! All good fun if you're going out with some pals of yours with a spare coin to blow on some virtual fun.

    Now imagine taking away the friends, the light guns, the good games, the charm, the HD graphics, the smooth hit recognition, the crazy sounds blasting your speakers... but instead add in a movie licence that retired long ago, replace the control mechanics by mapping the keys in a backwards manner on a console controller, make the game camera give you motion sickness 24/7, stuff it with bugs and glitches galore, use outdated character models, hire a team of useless college interns, and hey-presto, you get Rambo: The Video Game!

    It is an on-rail shooter action game of which you don't have any control of the paths you wish to take as the protagonist, but you more or less go on a course of target practice shooting down a crazy amount of enemies that jump into your screen like the crazy idiots they are. Except the enemies that appear in vast numbers don't tie in with the films in any way, just acting as a massive filler, in other words, a game that doesn't at all have a reason to exist.

    For the controls you have a crosshair. You move it with the cn_RS and fire with the cn_RT and that's the gameplay... I'm not joking! You pretty much only play with one hand whilst the camera cannot sit still as it sways in the wind causing you to miss your shots. As gamers we have grown used to taking full control over what we wish to aim at and when we shoot our gun. cn_LT to steady your accuracy and cn_RT to fire at your enemy. The game is literally played using the maximum of two fingers! You can use the cn_LS to duck in cover (which is 60% of the time not available. Nor does it protect you) but because the game treats you like an incompetent ass thinking you aren’t smart enough to use tactics, it just leaves you standing out in the open like a sitting duck.

    Jumping straight into this game for first impressions, the positions of the keys feel absolutely wrong. Who the hell points and navigates with the cn_RS!? Now I'm not against left handed players, but this is one hell of a god awful way of moving a cross hair, and there is no way to remap the controls. Even for a left handed gamer, you still won't get used to the controls any time soon thanks to the constant jerking. My fiancé is left handed but she just threw up with how unworkable the interface was...

    The sensitivity can be adjusted as you so desire to 'help you aim faster', but it won't help you aim your shots accurately as the hit detection is either absent when it shouldn't be, or the guns you are using are totally broken. If you hold down on the cn_RT for too long using any gun, the cross hair will expand on bullet radius, which understandably is how guns work. But once you cool down it should correct itself and aim for a good shot right? Especially with a rail-shooter video game. Right? RIGHT!?!? No... Because the pacing of the game goes (in terms of moving from section to section) all over the place. It is very hard to stay focused without the sheer feeling of motion sickness as you hold your vomit in your mouth.

    Teyon: "Hey now! It comes with a twist!"
    No. It comes with a feature, called Wrath. Wrath acts as an "ape-shit mode" much like the God of War series of which you build up a meter from killing enemies and then press the cn_A button to become more powerful. Wrath mode grants you health with every kill you get, your guns will have infinite ammo, time is slowed down by 200%, you will gain Wrath multiplier scores for every kill attained and you will be enduring eye ache with the contrast and brightness levels soaring through your television capabilities.

    The 'Scary' 'Intimidating' Enemies from the films!:
    The enemy numbers don't behave like they did in the films, as they just straight up walk in, somersault, star jump and peek in your camera view, spouting out gibberish in all languages. Because this game isn't treated as a ridiculous parody of suicidal soldiers, Teyon tries to create fan-fiction of what Rambo 'truly' went through in his action packed scenes in the films.. That would mean then that the enemies had fake guns that didn't produce muzzle flashes, enemies just had to grow out of the ground like plants and could all hit Rambo without missing a single shot... I'm not quite sure any of this happened in the films...

    The enemy soldiers also love going on an evening and day jog for some exercise, just 'happening' to walk into the middle of a firefight which, I don't know, you're supposed to support your squad and avoid fire! There are countless times where the game just wastes enemy spawns running in the background, foreground and into the firefight, making the game demoralising and a hilarious car crash. It doesn't last though, the hilarity; believe it or not, as you actually have to shoot them as they go by for points.

    The intelligence of the AI is very questionable at times. Sometimes they stay true to the film and couldn't shoot the ground if they tried, but most of the time they know where you are standing and will continuously shoot you square in the face (even if you're behind cover) with aimbot accuracy of a hacker. The Wrath feature is probably there to counter the broken difficulty spikes this game outrageously throws at you.

    Trautman Challenges:
    There are around 15 unlockable weapons in the game which must each meet a requirement to unlock a new gun. This challenge list comes with an annoying set back (just like Aliens: Colonial Marines), you have to complete each challenge in an order going out of your own way to get a specific gun you wish to earn as you earn guns you don't want. It is a lazy tactic to pad the game out much longer than it needs to be, except again… this game couldn’t even get that right!!

    Every challenge rewards you with a gun that handles like a toy firing confetti shots, with very bad hit detection and no punch against the AI. The only differences between the guns are the fact that some have a faster reload and more ammunition. The odd gun out however is the M60 3E which has the best accuracy (military logic?), power and ammo size. It is a heavy machine gun which never runs dry, can be reloaded extremely fast and instantly kills any enemy in one shot.

    The challenges very commonly bug out and refuse to unlock the next challenge for you, meaning you may have to endure repeating the same levels over again, especially the M60 3E challenge! None of the other guns are good in the slightest and will probably stay behind a closed door for the rest of their lives for nearly all gamers.

    Co-op Mode:
    Believe it or not, this game is 'kind' enough to let us play with a friend locally... However, if you ask your friends to play this with you and they are insane enough to accept, you will no longer be able to call them your friend. This has the worst co-op gameplay my 'friend' has EVER experienced! Player two shares the same perspective as player 1 except you both have your own cross hairs. However player 2's crosshairs are not attached to any gun and have a mind of their own, and love to speed across the screen or freeze, making killing enemies total luck.

    After completing a level in co-op you run a common chance of the game crashing completely having to force a restart. It is highly recommended that you NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRR even ask a friend, as said previously, you can play this game with one hand, ergo get a second controller for your other hand to spare the pain and loss of any friends. laugh

    Upgrades and Leveling up:
    Rambo has a level up system of which he has a skill tree of 25 upgrades, each of which can improve his Health, Wrath, Light Weapons, Machine Guns and Special (which is meaningless in the game). You earn XP by the amount of points you earn in every level you play. Every time you gain a level, you unlock a new perk to change the gameplay elements. You can hold 3 at a time as you play through the game, which makes choosing the best ones a struggle, right? Aaaaahahahaha...NO!!!!!

    16 of the 20 perks available serve no reason to neither be there nor contribute to any significant buffs to Rambo. For example 5% more ammo, 5% Wrath more growth, 5% more health per wrath kill, etc. Some become pointless after you hit the maximum level (XP increase) potentially serving only a limited use of 15 minutes.

    The only decent perks are the ones which increase your scores by a percentage and help you attain better kill chains more easily... *whispers* and the game breakers... Sssshhhhh!! Hell, you can even use a perk to make sure you never fail a QTE!! This brings me to the next part which is everything wrong with bad games...

    QuickTime Events Galore:
    What would complete a terrible game if it didn’t have un-innovative QTE sections. Sections in the game where you are forced to press a context sensitive button at the right time in order to avoid instant death, in this case you will lose a life, many points and will never hit a 3 star ranking. There is even a level that is solely made up of doing NOTHING but QTEs, which is the second level!! The game tries to excite you into thinking that the QTEs will be challenging and different every time, but they are all scripted as the same buttons when you repeat the sequences again, so you have nothing to be concerned about with reaction times.

    Every time you fail a QTE, you will have to endure a repetitive death-scene as Rambo unrealistically gets head-shotted with a single bullet from a gun that is supposed to have a very high rate of fire, making the scenario look like a bird shat on Rambo's forehead with soft black diarrhoea, making you slam your head on the table.

    As mentioned before, you can choose perks to improve Rambo’s abilities in the game; one of them includes never failing a QTE (meaning you can never die), completely defeating the purpose of QTEs existing. Except, this upgrade isn't coded to work in many of the levels! If you fail a QTE depending on which chapter you play on, the upgrade doesn’t function, making this upgrade a fat lie and a painful backstabber when you accidentally fail a sequence.

    The collossally-broken-as-balls final level:
    This gaming being a shameless mess as it is couldn't find any other way to throw you over the edge... Each level played in the game doesn't get challenging as you go along, but more, or rather, adds more things on screen, which you can just play peek-a-boo with to aim quick shots and gain your grounds, a tactic that you as a gamer must do to survive being raped by this game. Take that tactic of yours and throw it under a bus, because Teyon puts you so far out of your comfort zone that they actually bully you, thinking they are making the game a climactic final challenge, except they throw everything they’ve got at you to try and prevent you from finishing this short pathetic game. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING!!

    You are thrown into the final fight of Rambo III in the desert, where Rambo literally stands out into the open and attempts to kill everybody he can see. The enemies now show up in groups of 20, all divided equally into their own enemy types (Turret Gunners, Grenadiers, Flamers, Soldiers, Colonels, Helicopters and Tanks), all of which now NEVER miss their shots, NEVER reload their guns, NEVER give you a chance to breath. There are also sections where you have to nail a perfect shot or have 4 second time window to kill all of the enemies, before you die an instant death! This level is soul crushing in ways I cannot finish describing, or we would be here forever ranting about it... The checkpoints and QTEs can sometimes freeze up the game and you can even die after you complete the level watching the cutscene!! WHAT THE BURGERFUDGE!?!?

    The only saving grace in this game is a hilarious bug exploit of which you can activate wrath infinitely and breeze your way through in slow motion scoring massive points, becoming invincible as you heal yourself with every kill and listen to the hilarious voice acting taking a big shit. It's almost as if the developers knew this would be the only way to hit the top scores. It is funny at first, but when you truly think about it, it's pathetic...

    MUSIC/SOUND (1/10): "Torture Porn"
    OK, let's explain how the music works in this game. Picture having a quick jingle theme from an action film that lasts for 20 seconds on your iTunes player. It starts off dynamic and then ends on a soft note. Now put it on repeat... endless repeat. The first time you smile, the second time it irritates you, the third time it tortures you, the fourth time it plays in your head as you try to sleep, the fifth time WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS FOR THE ENTIRE GAME!?!? The Rambo movie soundtracks play miniature clips before they cut off and don't loop in a respectful manner, like listening to a toddler pressing the button endlessly that makes his/her f**king toy repeat the same Fisher Price sound file. angry It burns through you like a hot blade.

    Now then, ahem, let’s describe the sound effects. You know the worst games of all time that came out in 2013, Aliens: Colonial Marines and Ride to Hell: Retribution? They all have one thing in common. They are equally shit and they use the exact same sound effects library as each other!! Not to mention every possible sound file from the generic freebie sound library with the gaming engine this garbage runs on is used. These alone make the sound effects aspect of the game a complete failure.

    VOICE ACTING (0/10): "Sheer f***-uppery!"
    There is a difference between what makes voice acting good and bad. If you can fantasise fiction within your mind with sound alone as you close your eyes, you have yourself a voice actor who can draw you into the game. Now mind you, good voice actors aren't needed to make a good game (Legend of Zelda, Journey, Limbo, etc.), but it mother f**king helps! Or else you could end up with the bad kind that sound alone cannot be comprehended as you need to know what is creating this ear pollution, sort of like listening to a serenading song and a big fart goes off murdering the atmosphere for you. Rambo goes to the point where there is no cohesive voice acting anywhere. THEY ARE SOUND CLIPS TAKEN FROM THE RAMBO FILMS!!!

    There is no feedback edits used to clean up the audio files, no volume adjustments and no music cut out within the clip itself! If you turn off your music options, you will hear pirated audio quotes stolen,-I-mean "used" from the actual movies they were based on! The retro movie audio quality isn't updated to fit the rest of the game world's sound clips, dividing two separate worlds creating a horrible mixture of chalk and cheese. Jump cuts are aggressively used within the voice clips, giving the impression that the characters speaking don't breathe when they talk...

    It isn't trying to be funny, corny or take itself so seriously like most on-rail shooters. It is doing its darnedest to give you a gritty atmospheric feel so that you give a damn about poor Rambo, and to revive nostalgia from the films.

    The cut scenes are straight up PS2 CGI made cut scenes from the film scenes originally produced. They might as well have just used movie footage to save the time of creating graphically broken animations rather than invest in making good gameplay! To add on top of the flooded toilet, the staff members of Teyon actually tried to add their own forgettable voice acting on the characters in the game which again, divides the audio quality of retro to modern wider apart as you are driven mad.

    Although, using Wrath mode introduces some very 'special' moments where the enemies almost say something completely different as they speak in slooooooooooowmooooooooootiiiiiooooooooooonn. The best line in this entire game is from an enemy soldier in Chapter 2 who shouted out, "IIIIIIII'mmmmmmaaaaaaa diiiinoooosaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuurrrrrrr!!!!" laugh These quotes make for some very interesting role playing with your buddy/partner/other half as you play the 'game'.

    If you wish to see audio mixing at its best, watch some freaking YouTube Poops! There is a charm and hilarity listening to mixed up quotes of all quality and origins, but bad remix culture in a movie-related video game that tries to take itself seriously just makes you feel embarrassed and want to wrap a blanket around the DVDs themselves because you know they have been traumatised.

    In the year 2014 there is no excuse for not trying to make an effort with visuals. This game is a mid-PS2 abortion that finds it hard to fit in the world of the 7th gen and even the PC version (which looks like complete console port). The textures are flat, the skybox looks like wallpaper without the glue, the 3D lighting is non-existent and the shading suffers from intense grain bleeding, like a shitty video gradient on Windows Movie Maker.

    The characters run like ostriches, their facial animations don’t know how to blink or use their facial muscles (instead they clinch or fold their skin over their eyes and mouths) and the female character Co (his love interest which is never explained in the game) looks like a hybrid between the top half of a human and the bottom half of a swan. Very disturbing... shock

    The worst looking character out of them all believe it or not is Rambo! He represents a Sylvester Stallone if he ever melted like a Cheestring. He isn't tall, there are no muscles present, his arms look like sausage rolls with puff pastry, his hair rattles like tumbleweed, he's covered in sugar glazing and his legs look like large bendy draft excluders. But from the look of his face in the entire game, you can actually familiarise with him knowing that he, as well as you, doesn't want to be a part of this game. He wants to get out and become what he should/could have been, a very good stealthy and crisp shooter, possibly in a first-person shooter or a third-person shooter.

    The enemy soldiers and every other character model in general are copied and pasted all over the place. Some even make a reappearance after you walk past them or kill them! For example, in level two you are in trying to escape the police station from lots of cops by doing QTEs all the way through. You will knock an officer through a window leaving him behind, but then he will somehow teleport upstairs pretending he is someone else this time. In the grave service cutscenes the colonel is actually copied and pasted on a few soldiers behind him. lol... You will notice clones of characters very quickly in this game, will you laugh or cry, is up to you. I did both...

    GLITCHES (1/10): "Frustratingly amateur."
    * The game crashes for no reason during moments of gameplay.
    * The QuickTime events make up whether or not they give you points for pressing at the right or wrong times.
    * The Trautman Challenges can glitch out, not successfully unlocking after the requirements have been met.
    * The enemy AI can fall through the floor into oblivion for no reason.
    * The "Never Fail QTEs" upgrade can completely betray you for no reason when you fail a QTE, resulting in an instant death.
    * The Wrath invincibility skill upgrade isn't coded in the game, resulting in you still being vulnerable to dying.
    * Voice acting audio that is programmed to loop can sometimes forever play in the game, even when you quit the game and pause it.
    * Earning an achievement playing co-op will always crash your game, not unlocking the achievement even when you reboot the game.
    * Achievement unlocking procedures are irreversible, meaning you cannot re-unlock the achievement again if it doesn't pop, unless you restart again and play offline.
    * The graphical shading violently grains out and bleeds your television with high grain intensity.
    * Your Wrath meter sometimes disappears when you jam a reload, for no reason, without the "A far cry" perk.
    * Enemy AI may turn invincible for no reason, making it more than likely impossible to progress.
    * QuickTime events can crash the game after pressing the button.
    * Your aiming reticule can be launched off of the screen for no reason during gameplay, ruining flow.
    * The shading in the world flickers on and off at times.
    * The eye animation of all characters can completely disappear making them look like zombies.
    * Arrow shots in stealth missions can clip through your targets, resulting in a cheap death.
    * The crosshair can disappear off of the screen for no reason after watching cutscenes.
    * The reload wheel can disappear when reloading your gun for no reason.
    * Stealth Missions grant you no extra bonuses, and get you instantly killed compared going guns blazing as you swallow bullets like a whore.
    * The score multiplier can disappear out of nowhere, or sometimes even never disappear.
    * When you equip the "A far cry" perk, if you activate Wrath mode and jam a reload, you will be permanently stuck in Wrath, completely breaking the game for high point scoring and health regeneration (the only way to 3 star the levels).
    * You can exploit QTEs that get stuck in a score loop.
    * The "Time crimes" perk can bug out, resulting in you being permanently stuck in slow motion.
    * The aiming reticule of a mounted gun sometimes cannot sit still and has to keep violently moving for no reason.
    * In co-op you gain double the score on QTEs for no reason.
    * The enemy AI shooting accuracy is either morbidly retarded or aimbot hacking cheating, never having to reload a gun in the process of peppering you.
    * When you finish the final level, you can still die for no reason whilst you are watching the final cutscene, forcing you to do the Tank fight again losing your score bonuses!

    ACHIEVEMENTS (1/10): “Game-breakingly disgusting.”
    The achievements in this game are a mess. It may look like simplistic milestones to reach a certain score count in the game, which is what 2/3rds of the achievements are, but no. Due to the completely unpredictable scoring system and broken enemy AI, the game can screw you over in an instant giving you an inevitable failure on trying to hit the top scores, forcing you to play through another 10 minutes of time wasting torture. The developers also don't take into account what is a realistic goal to take on, but rather multiply your average score by 900% because it's so called "challenging". It is lazy behaviour and is a huge slap in the face for those who love getting their money's worth earning the full 1000G.

    To make things incredibly painful and terrifying for you, this game has a very common problem of crashing during the achievement unlocking procedure, almost as if the game cannot cope with multitasking. When this happens, the achievement is forever unobtainable unless you completely restart your save file going through the game again. The game saves your progress before the achievement is supposed to pop, so you cannot go back by loading up the game again and repeating the steps you had to endure, because it has already been done once before. This has happened to me 6 times!

    Every moment is painful and torturous as you pray that the game will function correctly enough for your high scores to make a difference to the final sums, and not having to restart your game all over again, as you frequently abuse the cloud copy and paste save file exploit.

    Luckily though because this game is as unpolished a Nicki Minaj's plastic surgery, there is a serious game-breaking glitch to help you earn a 3 star score on every level (including the final level). It requires you to add the perk "A far cry", use wrath mode and then jam a reload, before you know it, you are forever stuck in wrath mode and can accumulate impossible scores to get your 3 stars. You are pretty much invincible and have time on your side to aim for head shots without any motion sickness becoming an issue. This pretty much defeats the purpose of unlocking new guns and using 17/20 perks available, making them obsolete and pointless to ever use!! Not to mention you can 1000G this game in 2 HOURS!!!

    CONCLUSION / VERDICT: “A freak accident!!”
    If you are spiraling downward into a depressive state, questioning your own reason of existing in this universe or why you are even bothering to make the effort, this game will answer one thing for you. You are a soul. A spirit that has the opportunities to discover what makes you a decent character. You have managed to make it this far within your life, learning many things you couldn’t have done had you given up. Such as what makes a comfy bed, what makes someone smile at you when you interact with them, what makes a delicious sandwich? This game's developers can’t understand how to do ANYTHING!!!! The game is here for you to realise that you have reached the end of the wall of complete talentless-ness and you can only go the way you came from and get out, growing better as a person, because going into talentless shit is something that requires a contemplated effort, such as a team of money-hungry stoned vultures.

    Rambo does have the opportunity to make a great action game, but like 98% of movie games, his legacy was heavily abused for a sleazy cash grab. The only reason this game can exist is that it's a wake-up call for everybody in the gaming community. There is so much better out there whilst Rambo: The Video Game has no enjoyment to be had, no laughter, no freedom to play within your own style, no respect for the gamers and Rambo fans, no credibility, no innovation, no clever marketing, no fun and most importantly… NO REASON TO BE £30/$40!!

    If you are struggling to see the light for yourself or you want to make your worst enemy your best friend, get this game with latex gloves on and take a shower in acid to decontaminate yourself. Or else if you see this anywhere, KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!!

    This abomination of a game will go down in history as the worst contribution to the Rambo license, a strong victor in the Top 10 worst games of 2014, and indeed, one of the worst video games of all time. You will need to listen to hours of relaxation sound videos and eat your feelings away eating buckets of chocolate ice cream to recover from this brain trauma of a "game". It is so bad that America will never see it on the 360 in their region, due to how shit in quality it is (I highly doubt it's due to licensing limitations...)! This game somehow got a seat in the Games on Demand marketplace being sold for £29.99!!! HOW!?!?

    If you vote this review with a thumb down, I truly deserve it… because I should have known better than to touch this “every disease in the world” turd, and my console has suffered for it. She is being operated on by the best doctors so she can be saved as I finish writing this review. But hey! At least that special enemy soldier got to be what he always lived to be before he bravely gave his life for his government. He was a dinosaur. A brave, strong, courageous dinosaur... *wipes tears* I honestly think the graveyard service should have gone to that soldier rather than Rambo!!
    Showing most recent comments. View all comments.
    RIG ProcedureMe and my colleagues at work in the office read this and couldn't stop laughing! laugh I have the game sitting in my cupboard right now. I'm tempted to unwrap it a give it a go just so I can see the dinosaur man and challenge you on the leaderboards! wink
    Posted by RIG Procedure on 21 Jan 15 at 08:44
    OMGWTH00111111That has to be the funniest and best review I've read in a very long time. Brilliant.
    Posted by OMGWTH00111111 on 21 Jan 15 at 19:14
    TitleInLargeLol. Thanks guys! :)
    @Mak Me A Samich: I'm a sucker for bad games too. But seriously... you're not missing out!
    @RIG: Unless you're commited, keep it locked away in that cupboard!
    Posted by TitleInLarge on 21 Jan 15 at 22:15
    NelsonAFC1Good read and not in the slightest bit wrong 100% this on my old tag and its is horrendous is still have nightmares of the qte escape prison level
    Posted by NelsonAFC1 on 23 Jan 15 at 01:54
    liner bronsonHilarious laugh
    Posted by liner bronson on 23 Jan 15 at 12:27
    Corrupt XBASo...good?
    Posted by Corrupt XBA on 23 Jan 15 at 13:47
    RIG Procedure 2Just gave it a go with the gamebreaking wrath glitch, and managed to 3 star all chapter 1 levels in one go! In 30 minutes!! That's just crazy!! shock
    Managed to hit Rank 5 on the leaderboard just barely underneath you. laugh After getting the 1000G in 3 hours, I just can't go back! This game really does drive you nuts with how mindnumbingly dumb it is...

    P.S. I found the dinosaur man! He's in Chapter 2-1 (POW Camp, Vietnam 1985). He makes his appearence when you gun your way through and jump into the swamp areas. I was pissing myself! laugh It's even better with the music turned off! smile He also makes a few other appearences in the first level of the game and the boat level in chapter 2.
    Posted by RIG Procedure 2 on 25 Jan 15 at 15:12
    TitleInLarge@RIG: Damn… Not bad. toast
    @Corrupt XBA: ummm… lets say it's…lacking in uhh… everything!! laugh
    Posted by TitleInLarge on 25 Jan 15 at 16:25
    DiesskayFantastic review! Now it feels like I well spent 10€ to see the beast by myself.
    Posted by Diesskay on 08 Jun 15 at 12:17
    Creativezitothats a longest review i ever seen
    Posted by Creativezito on 02 Sep at 19:26