It seems that now more than ever the extreme lack of quality control on the Xbox One needs to be addressed, thanks in no small part to The One We Found. It's not merely the fact that someone made a horrible asset flip in Unity, if someone took the time to write a review every time that happened we wouldn't ever have a moment to sleep. The egregious part of The One/Ten We Found is that it is being sold on consoles for the outrageous price of $20, something that absolutely should never be the case.
You notice the first subtle odors wafting from this bloated corpse immediately on the title screen, as stock sound effect screams and royalty free music play over a scene depicting a barely textured wall and mannequin looking character. There are 2 modes you can pick from here, a Call of Duty zombies esque Survival mode that is so barebones it isn't worth mentioning and a pitifully short "campaign", which is only worth mentioning in its pitifulness. The entirety of the campaign can be completed in under an hour and is one of the most incoherent stories I have ever tried to follow. The plot randomly seems to teleport you from location to location via text screen, letting you know that you passed out from an "infection" and woke up somewhere else. It follows no narrative structure or cohesion at all, and the ending does nothing to bring any sort of closure to the whole mess.
Looking at the campaign screen you see 13 levels, but this is fraudulent on multiple accounts. There are really about 2 levels, just repeated 6 times each. You'll find yourself either in a cave system shooting zombies or in a hospital corridor avoiding a ghost with no variation at any point. You may occasionally be asked to solve a "puzzle" but the solutions never change so once you know the answers there's no replay value to be found. Starting with the caves, the game becomes a mixture of Survival Horror and FPS where you are given lots of zombies to shoot and little ammo to do it. Part of the problem is that ammo is measured in clips instead of rounds, meaning if you reload while you still have bullets in the current clip you're just throwing them away. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, but since the button to interact with objects is the same as the reload button you'll often find yourself staring at a key and cursing the game as you slap a fresh magazine into a gun that was only one round away from being full. The other issue is something so basic it's hard to believe it isn't included; opening the inventory screen doesn't pause the game. Since you can only have one weapon equipped at once, running out of ammo when being attacked means you can't just pull out another weapon to defend yourself without taking some heavy damage. Careful you don't take too much though, since death means going back to the main menu and selecting the mission again.
The zombies are also very clearly assets purchased from a store, thrown haphazardly into the game with no consideration. Why would a girl scout, hospital patient, and police officer all be crowded together in the depths of a crystal lined cave? Also, why do these types of zombies all have varying degrees of health? It seems like a way to get away with using the same assets repeatedly and getting away with it.
Aside from that, the only other issue is the abundance of glitches you'll encounter in combat. Often when switching weapons one will stay on screen and the other one will appear above it, creating a weird graphical issue of multiple guns taking up the screen. Once I even had 2 guns and a flashlight out at once, cluttering the screen up with trash. Another few times I had multiple guns on screen and wasn't able to equip another one, meaning I had no choice but to reboot the game and try the levels again. The guns all generally handle like pulling triggers triggers seizures in your character, complimented by horrible lighting and stock gunshot noises. Luckily there's not a lot of combat in the game, unluckily everything else is not much better.
The levels not taking place in the caves take place in the "membrane", an area about 4 square feet in size populated only by a ghost that kills you instantly and a horrible looking baby doll skeleton monster that roams around the vents. These levels are usually between 2-5 minutes in length, so long as you can avoid the aforementioned instakill ghost. Even such short levels are not without glitches however, I had to reboot the game during these sequences when I was unable to run or pull out my flashlight. These are also the levels with the most "puzzles", but simply knowing the solution will sometimes allow you to just run to the end of the level in under a minute.
So let's recap what you get for your $20 purchase: PS2 era graphics, a campaign which can be completed faster than a meal at a 3 star restaurant, an abundance of game breaking glitches, a nonsensical plot, and no replay value. The 0.5 We Found is still baffling to me in the fact that it was released, alongside games like Gene Rain, Horse Racing 2016, the Outbreak series, Verdun, and most of the ID@XBOX program. It's about time consumers take a stand on this trash, the allure of an easy completion must no longer influence our purchasing decisions.