Turtle's Quest (Win 10) Reviews

x Mataeus x
886,344 (533,788)
x Mataeus x
TA Score for this game: 1,120
Posted on 12 September 17 at 20:25, Edited on 13 September 17 at 07:23
This review has 39 positive votes and 3 negative votes. Please log in to vote.
A Macroreview™

Oh wow. What a horrible experience!

First, the good stuff: Props for getting a Unity 3D game to run smoothly at all times. Also, chapter 1 - with it's 1000gs - is free. No ads - free.

Now, the rest: A torturous "adventure" game which sees you playing a young would-be pirate child, running around a beach covered in Unity stock asset buildings. You're trying to find a turtle, which is sometimes also a bird, depending on which character you speak to. The assets have been dragged onto the sparse, hollowed out terrain generator of a game map without any respect for realism - buildings, for example, are comically oversized. There's no sense of scale - a hay cart which stands around the size of a house, and houses which stand two hundred feet tall. It's like Gulliver's fucking Kingdom, only you're the little person.

Between the unskippable fail-and-we'll-repeat-them cutscenes, you play from an atrocious third person camera angle which is zoomed in so far everything is difficult to see, and with literally no option to change either that, or the mouse control. Which is inverted by default. Because of course.

Turtle's Quest - which is also sometimes Turles Quest, should you be selecting a mission from the map screen - also graces us with some one-of-a-kind audio. Terrible, terrible voice acting and script, featuring Scandinavian developers trying to crack jokes in English, and completely forgettable music and effects. Thankfully you can mute it, because the subtitles take up half the screen.

Finally, I'll touch on the laughable gameplay: Fetch Quest! Then Sneak Quest (where you have to stand in a specific place which the game doesn't tell you)! Run through the checkpoints quest, where a slide mechanic is suddenly introduced at the exact moment you hit your first obstacle, thus having to restart! Crash to Desktop Quest! Freeze After Talking to NPC Quest!

My friends, a legend is born: This is, absolutely, without doubt, the worst Xbox Live Enabled game of all time.
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423,714 (247,608)
TA Score for this game: 1,120
Posted on 16 September 17 at 11:11, Edited on 16 September 17 at 11:30
This review has 18 positive votes and 0 negative votes. Please log in to vote.
I don't normally write reviews, but this game has compelled me to, just to warn people away from it. This 'game' is awful, and I use the term 'game' loosly because it implies something fun, whereas there is nothing fun about this at all.

I'm going to keep this review simple. You play a kid looking for a turtle on an island. Why? Who cares.

-It is free.

-It is a relatively easy 1000GS.

-If not for some of the glitches, this is a relatively short completion. You could reasonably complete it in under an hour, although there is the potential that you will be forced to restart the whole game.

-The controls are crap. You can't invert the mouse, so if you are anything like me, you will be trying to complete the running / chase sequences desperately trying to see where you are going while repeatedly looking at the floor or sky. The controls section in the main menu tells you that the up arrow is to run. It is not. You need to press shift and the up arrow or W to run. Also if you are pressing shift, you then can't press X or the Space bar to slide or jump, which you need to do in the chase sequences. You need to release shift first. None of this is explained.

-The voice acting is terrible. To save my sanity, I muted the game after a very short time and played in silence. It was wonderful. Most of the conversations have very large subtitles, although strangely there are some conversations without them.

-As mentioned, there are a couple of chase sequences where you have to run / jump / slide through checkpoints. Helpfully, random people that serve no purpose, will walk (slowly) across your path in narrow areas causing you to bump into them and fall over and get caught. These people are clearly made of stone beacuse they do not even break their stride and carry on as if nothing has happened. During the sliding parts of these chases, you will see a prompt on the screen telling you to slide. If you are not already sliding when the prompt appears, you will probably fail.

-The game is glitchy. People and parts of the scenery appear and disappear at random on occasions which is not big issue apart from one of the main NPC characters that you need to speak to in order to progress. The only way round this is to quit out to the main menu and reload the checkpoint. The issue with that is there is a fairly good chance that the checkpoint won't have saved and you have to start the game again. Your character will also get stuck regularly, either by an invisible wall or just a random, immovable pixel in your way. You can jump some of them to get past.

-There is no way to skip the cutscenes. This is very annoying if you have to restart the chase scenes or the whole game again. This is another good reason to have the game muted.

In short, if you have not started this game, think carefully before you do. Your sanity is worth much more than 1000GS.
If you are going to brave it, then follow a walkthrough video so that you are not wandering aimlessly and can do this is as short a time as possible. I can pretty much guarantee that you will be left with an uneasy feeling when you have finished that feels like you have lost part of your soul.

One last thing to mention; The menu implies that there are further chapters coming to the store soon. I seriously hope this is not true and if it is I hope that they do not try charging for them. The thought that anyone would be forced to pay for this crap, just to save them from having it sat uncompleted on their tag, glaring at them as a constant reminder of one of life's low points, fills me with dread.

I give this 'game' half a star only because you can't give zero or negative stars.

You have been warned!
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