A BANNED CRIBB

Bastards! I was not accepted in the Community Events Team.

Listed below are my answers to questions from an application to join the Community Events Team. To my surprise, I was not accepted on the team. However, I was sent a response to my application that I enjoyed very much and have shared that in this blog.

Let the stupidity commence.....

(1) Why do you want to join the Community Events team?
I was recently removed from the Telletubbies Fan Club, so I am looking to join a similar new group. How are the Telletubies and TA communities similar? No one in Telletubies Fan Club is getting laid, and neither are the vast majority of TA's nerdy, virgin membership.

(2) T]he time requirements for this team vary greatly. When we're running an event that has a backend we maintain, it takes hours of work daily to keep it going (Viral Event for example.) Are you able to commit to spending several hours throughout a week to support such an event?
I have found that my chances of supporting any event are greatly increased when I am provided with free coffee, donuts, and hookers.

(3) Overall, how would you describe your availability?
I have a girlfriend. I would consider kicking her out of the house, but I do not want the house plants to die.

(4) Since TA is a diverse community, we have to take many different perspectives into consideration. There are members here who focus on completing games, collecting games, pushing their ratio or completion percentages higher. Would you say you can look at suggestions through more than one view?
I have five perspectives when I am evaluating other's ideas.
- Kind of Stupid
- Stupid
- Real Stupid
- Unbelievably Fucking Stupid
- Mattias Stupid (The worst possible idea ever)**

(5) How would you describe your ability to discuss ideas with a team?
As a Boy Scout Leader, it was frustrating that my good ideas were shut down by parents with a lack of vision. The kids would have loved if my ideas for their entertainment came to fruition.
- Idea 1. Cobra and Scorpion petting zoo
- Idea 2. Swimming with electronics
- Idea 3. Sleepovers at Michael Jackson's house.
- Idea 4. Let's get a permanent face tattoo.

(6) What was your favorite event on TrueAchievements so far?
Naked Leap Frog. No....wait.. That was event I played a long time ago in college. If I remember right, I was incredibly drunk and not even a willing participant. Why was my ass always so sore after the event?

(7) What about it makes it your favorite?
The nurse who provide penicillin shots to prevent drippy dick and other STDs was real cute. Not sure why she laughed hysterically every time I asked her out on a date.

The response from the Community Events Team leader.

(1) Sadly, membership in the CET doesn't increase odds of getting laid, trust me.

(2) We'd gladly offer coffee, tea and donuts but sadly the last group insisted on hookers and well, we blew the whole budget for the next few years. Sorry - the best we can offer is a variety of suggested pron sites.

(3) We have no house plants here so feel free to move in.

(5) Wow, I also lost my job as Troop leader while leading kids on a 'Dancing in the Rain' expedition. Things went smoothly until I saw this sad tree sitting all by itself in the middle of a field. Not to let a lonely tree go unclimbed, I directed the children to bring joy to this poor helpless tree. Its pure luck (or lack of) that a lightning bolt decided to strike that tree when there was so much other nice farmground all around it. Oh well. Lesson learned, children conduct electricity.

(6) We're considering an Achievement Limbo contest (yes really) where you have to score under someone else. If they catch you they can crush your head between their legs. (not quite the plan)

(7) Its best not to date medical personnel. They know everything about us we try to hide. Shrinks are worse... they want to know why you want to go out and how it relates to your parents before answering your question.


** MattiasAnderson is a mutual friend who we both appreciate and like very much. This joke was not intended to discredit him or his ideas. Instead, it was intended to ridicule, offend, and insult him.

Thanks for reading!
A BANNED CRIBB (Ron)