Namco Arcade Game series, Jetpac Refuelled, Castlecrashers Remastered, Shadow of Mordor, Beyond Eyes
more thoughts on recently played & completed games:Namco Arcade Game Series
: hey! remember playing pac-man on the 360! Its back! On the One! and PS4! and it'll be back next generation too! Isn't that great? Its a shame Namco doesn't do other old arcade classics, but chances really are people will not know about or buy Gaplus (which is fucking great). The strangest thing about the Namco game series is it uses Unity Engine for some unknown reason? WTF? They couldn't just do an emulator?
Galaga: WTF is this game almost a gig in size? moderately difficult to 1k. saving grace is you can level select for all the challenge stages. fun fact: at one point in my life, wherever I went and saw one of these games, some body kept maxxing out the high score like a freak
Dig-Dug: WTF is this game also almost a gig in size? actually was the easiest to 1k for me. stupid fast gamer score in under an hour.
Pac-Man: did awhile back. out of the 3, it is actually fucking hard to 1k and I relied on the cloud save exploit to do it. And WTF is this game almost a gig in size?
: FUCK THIS GAME!
verdict: FUCK THIS GAME! FUUUUU~UUUCK THIS GAME! DID YOU MAKE THIS GAME? DID I DO SOMETHING TO YOU? FUCK YOU! WHY DID YOU DO MAKE THIS THING? I FUCKING HATE YOU! ASSHOLE! FUCK THIS GAME! FUCK YOU! THIS GAME IS FUCKCastlecrashers Remastered
: game turned up on my one downloads for free. you can transfer your save from the 360 version and get the single player stuff done in less than 30 minutes. the on-line achievement can be exploited and gotten in like 2 minutes. what's not to like?
fuck the Final Countdown achievement
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor - Game of the Year Edition Video Game For Consoles For Play On Your Television Screen
: Shadow of Mordor is remarkable for WB games offering the game for free to lets players in exchange for positive word of mouth. coincidentally, this was also as 'ethics in game journalism' gamergate was firing up. Proving what fuckwits they are, new games journalists sagely published "no, YOU are the ones who are corrupt!" hit pieces directed at gamers. As dumb and unlikely as that sounds, it is true: https://archive.is/r0QP9
oddly, the game is actually good. I enjoyed it! Its what Assassin's Creed is trying to be with Batman Arkham fighting controls. Plus its violent as hell. (make the check out to Archer Spense please, WB games. thanks)
The reason its good has to do with it was developed by Monolith (not to be confused with Japanese Monolith, the assholes who make the Xeno- series games), a dev house with a lot of talent and a history of making decent to good games.
I'm speaking of the core game though. The DLCs are garbage. The Lord of the Hunt DLC feels like cutting room floor scraps that were repackaged into its own thing. It should have been an expansion adding additional missions to the regular game. The Bright Lord DLC feels like a half assed throw away with an obnoxious difficulty that only serves to flesh out what was already revealed in the base game's story. Truth be told, the DLCs made me hate the game.
achievement wise, there are 2 difficult achievements. like no joke hard. everything else is not that bad.
for some reason the more I played the game, the more I felt I was secretly playing a Warhammer 40K game. Like Celebrimbor is the Emperor of Man and uses "the ring" to amplify his psyker abilities to organize and control all men. On some planet somewhere, he possesses a single ranger to purge an entire planet of space orks. I can tell because all the orks speak with Cockney accents. Now that I think about it, why are orks always British? Are they really human and Celebrimbor has made the ranger hallucinate they're all disgusting misanthropic man like creatures? Actually most Brits ARE disgusting misanthropic man like creatures. Maybe this game is secretly about the American Revolution... Hmmm
: hey look! its another artistic overpriced pile of shit masquerading as a game!
like so many of these god forsaken turds, Beyond Eyes is a walking simulator. the gimmick is you play as a blind girl who gains super human Daredevil like powers by a firework that had way more sparks somehow shoot out way farther towards a little girls eyes because it fucking hated her? And she then gained the ability to hear colors. Just like Daredevil!
So a stray cat appears one day and the blind girl likes it. Then the cat leaves, and the little girl decides to go find it? Oh! Oh! Or MAYBE she was inspired by Trump to grab it! And the entire game is her wandering around aimlessly looking for a cat. And because she's blind that explains why she moves as quickly as an elderly person.
now this is where I get confused. What is the girl? Is she Japanese? She keeps saying, "Nani" which is Japanese for "what?". If you think about it, it's cunning. A blind girl touched a cat once and decided to start waddling around like a lost confused smack addict shouting "what?" because she doesn't know what she touched and wants to touch it again. It really hammers home that she's so blind, she's helpless and those dreaded evil ableists with the original sin of sight won't help her. Its... Its BRILLIANT.
if you play this crap, you'll know I'm not too far of the mark since the girl keeps hallucinating the cat she's chasing. did it ever exist in the first place? That's some M. Knight Shamallamadingdong shit right there...
Anyway, fast forward to the end of the game and you find the cat's collar on a tree in a grave yard and somehow the girl immediately knows the cat is dead. Because that's what everyone does with a cat's collar after it dies. They hang it on a tree in a cemetary. Then the girl walks away and the world dissolves away because a dead cat will give you toxoplasmosis and make you more blind.
Man, I haven't gotten this emotional from a video game death since Nei dies in Phantasy Star 2 and the clone lab (who successfully cloned her umpteen times before) can't clone her anymore. I couldn't stop crying and I needed to play with playdough and wear diapers to calm myself down.
Then the game ends and the credits begin with "dedicated to (cat's name) and Ray" Since the girl's name is Rae (I assume her last name begins with a P making her Rae P., the exact same thing I felt happened to my wallet for buying this garbage) I immediately concluded the game was based on a real blind girl who died. Perhaps the most moribund and morally bankrupted thing ever; to see someone capitalize on a blind girl's death. Oh. Turns out Ray is the game maker's father.
that was the ending. I was expecting a better twist ending like the girl opens her fucking goddamned eyes and figures out that's why she can't fucking see anything. That actually happened to me the other day. I know this. You can't see jack shit with your eyes closed. I believe the fire cracker story is a lie. The girl's face and eyes don't look like she had a catastrophic burning injury ever. And I know for certain you can't see a god damned thing with your eyes closed.
Also why cant I hold the B button down to make Rae run faster and push A to make her jump like in Mario Brothers?
the only good thing to come out of this anathema is an easy 1k
are real lies
Posted by Archer Spense
on 21 January 17 at 18:03
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