Beans, Bullets, and Life (Drinking Song Included!!!)
Let’s forget I had ever hoped to blog on a more frequent basis. Let’s also forget I had promised a regular feature of some type or another. Let’s not dwell on previous failures, and instead use the limited time we have together to discuss our ability to live in the present.
Yes the present, because I’ll be sitting out the future, due to priorities and necessities.
Xbox One: I’m obviously growing old, as I cannot recall ever being as nonplussed for a console launch. Games, software, DRM…these are all side-debates meant to distract gamers who have now grown old enough to think with their wallets. I’m a firm believer that Microsoft is offering nothing new with this next-gen rollout, and is merely on a market-share/money-grabbing strategy.
If I would have had this blog up two weeks ago I could have wasted some space railing against the DRM policy…but since MS was kind enough to backpedal and retread the entire issue I’ll move on.
There is no jump to HD (as with the previous generation’s “must-have” feature). Thankfully, that means even if I were interested in a new console, at least replacing my television with new technology isn’t mandatory this go-around. All I see Microsoft offering with Xbox One for my $500 is a false promise of cable box integration (no way Time Warner is playing along here), a whole separate category of “accomplishments,” mandatory Kinect (no thanks), and some stupid ability to share my facial reactions at key moments of gameplay with people who could care less. Oh, and the ability to screw over my completion ratio anytime they see fit to milk another cash cow.
MS plans to resell all new controllers, headsets, Turtle Beach peripherals…the whole thing is garbage…because clearly they have made revolutionary improvements across the board that merit a repurchase of all existing hardware. Don’t even get me started on how the software code is mysteriously incompatible with current architecture so your entire XBLA library is worthless on the new machine.
I don’t get many people commenting on my blogs, but I welcome any readers to power through my bitterness and negativity to offer constructive and compelling reasons why these shenanigans deserve any of our hard-earned cash. If you’re just finding ways to spend lottery or inheritance money…more power to you. I’ve got a kid to feed, provide for, and send to college!
Windows Phone: I’ll try to keep this section’s ranting to a minimum. This is yet another area Microsoft is seeing less of my earnings these days. From the start I have found the Windows Phone gaming ecosystem to be in quite the sorry state! I thought the jump form WP7 to WP8 might inject some lifeblood, and boy was I a moron! First, and most infuriating as a hardcore completionist, unobtainable achievements plague this platform. Games continue being released with broken achievements at a prolific rate in comparison to Retail and Arcade. I can’t even think about touching a game without checking for unobtainable achievements.
Which segways into my next point, I don’t even like touching games on this platform, since it always involves holding my phone in my hands for prolonged periods of time leading to inevitable NECK CRAMPS! This problem alone kills any attempt at meaningful gaming on a handheld platform for me these days. Who wouldn’t rather be sitting comfortably staring at an eye-level display with the ability to multi-task a cold, adult beverage?
A few more condensed gripes on Windows Phone gaming: high cost of premium titles, excessive sales/discounts, and lame, masochistic, sadistic, grindy, boring achievements. Just like unobtainable achievements, it seems the Windows Phone game developers purposely plant at least one achievement intended to artificially lengthen perceived gameplay time (aka “value”) into each of their titles. I’m pretty sure I’m done with this nonsense after playing iStunt2. You KNOW it’s bad when I can’t even be bothered to start FREE games!!!
That was brief right?
Curious Observation: Notice all the new “free” Gold games have DLC achievements!? The free Arcade game this month has FIVE pieces of DLC. If Microsoft gets any more transparent with their money-grubbing tactics I’ll be sure to catch a marketing executive rooting around in my wallet on payday.
LIFE: I’m going to wrap this up by returning to my original thesis, while also touching on something near and dear to my heart. Kids!!! My best completion and boost partner, chrisw427, recently dropped a blog about the biggest life event any gamer can realize, the birth of his first offspring! I was very pleased to have met a true friend and all-around good guy, and be able to stay in touch (if in a limited capacity and through means other than XBL since we never seem to get in a party together anymore!) through such a magical time in his personal life.
So forgive me for not having my panties in a bunch to rush out and buy the new generation. This General is keeping his eyes firmly on the beans and bullets for the time being. In lieu of bandages, I leave you with a medicinal whiskey song. Please feel free to add lines and build on this song via comments. If I include your additional lyrics in the final studio demo I’ll be sure to credit you in the liner notes!!!
there’s dust in the rocks in my whiskey
some one did not rinse the ice tray
no matter how much I drink dusty whiskey
my troubles just don’t go away
there’s dust in the rocks in my whiskey
somebody forgot to rinse the ice tray
the rocks in my whiskey are dusty
drank all the whiskey still my troubles did not fade away
Posted by G3n3ralG3n0c1dE
on 01 July 13 at 18:56
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