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#79 The Bacon Gospels
Hello Friends:

Yesterday was not a great day for meat products. Lately I’ve been doing pretty well, dropping a few pounds, gaming, growing a beard. I’ve always enjoyed the pleasures of Bacon.

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But lately I’ve discovered the pleasures of Jerky. My local gas station is like Jerky Mecca.

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They probably have about 30 different varieties. I’ve written previously about my good experiences with Perky Jerky, and am now on a mission to sample the entire Jerky spectrum. But yesterday’s experience was just plain bad. I saw this bag and the prospect of Jerky Bacon immediately caught my eye.

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“It’s Jerky, yet it’s bacon. How could this go wrong?” I thought.

I'll tell you how: Imagine this guy.

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He get’s up at 3AM. Severe chest pains and heartburn; the usual. He trods to the kitchen clad in tidy whities and a T shirt, lights a Marlboro and commences to fry up a pound of natures salty goodness. Mmmm, Bacon. But then he leaves it in the pan for a couple days. When it’s nice and cold and rubbery, he sprinkles on some MSG and BHT, as preservatives. Then he shoves it in a bag, and there you go. Bagged Ass. That’s what this shit tasted like. I never thought I could have a bad experience with bacon, but I was wrong. I should have guessed when I texted my wife a picture of the bag and she said “Is that for you, or the dogs?” She couldn’t have been more correct. I’m scarred for life, man. Even my go to fap images, “Hotties wearing Bacon” are leaving me cold.

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Today I’m trying Jack Links A1 Beef Jerky. Pray for me.

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I am loving this game so far. I finished up episode 2 last night. What a great story. Characters I actually care about, tough choices to be made, great voice acting. And it’s cool how at the end of each episode you can see how other players faced with the same choices reacted. It really sets the gaming story bar high. After I logged off last night I kept thinking “Wouldn’t it be cool if they could make an RPG like this? A game with a story that I really cared about with all the great RPG elements. I realize this would be quite a challenge, but why not? The best story I’ve come across in an RPG so far was in NIER. Hardly anyone played that, but it had characters I actually cared about, and a somber kind of mood I hadn’t really experienced in an RPG up to that point. The Walking Dead is so well written, so engrossing, I just wish there were more games like it. Games outside of the “Adventure” Realm. Before you go and tell me about Mass Effect 2, I haven’t played it yet, so I can’t comment on it. It is on my shelf though, so there’s that.

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I finished up Dragon’s Dogma last week. Snagged about half the available points on my first play through. I liked it. A good RPG and it didn’t take 100+ hours to go through. It felt like it was just about the right length. Decent combat, some cool upgrades. The boss battles are really well done, and the Pawn system is something I hope makes it’s way into other games. All in all a worthwhile experience. Not as good as Kingdoms of Amalur, but better than Skyrim IMO.
GTASC is getting underway. I slacked off a bit during week one, but made up for it last night with a couple Virtua Fighter Arcade titles. The 860 GS I scored last night means I feel a little better about myself today. We’re THE GRAPISTS if you want to follow us. This week it’s The Bourne Conspiracy and some Transformers game that even though it was in the middle of my que, Gamefly assumed I wanted RIGHT NOW!

Stay Thirsty my Friends
#78 I talk Hobbit
Happy Hump Day!

The Weekend is half way here! It’s a cold, snowy and windy day here in Denver. No gaming last night, I went to see The Hobbit instead. I did the whole IMAX 3D 48 frames per second thing. My first impression was "This will be awesome!" because I figured I'd found a loophole where I could get twice as movie (48 FPS compared to 24FPS) for the same price. Mostly thoughI just wanted to see what all the hype was about. I’ll do a little mini review first, then talk about some of the technical aspects of the film.

First thing you need to know is the movie is a bit of a Sausage Fest

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There is only one chick in the whole movie and she is skinny with tiny boobies. And not even really hot. Kind of like David Bowie wearing Spock ears.

“What about the story though?”

Well, some was good, some was bad. I don’t know if I totally agreed with Director Peter Jackson’s vision to “modernize” the world of Middle Earth. The hip hop soundtrack seems really out of place and casting Snoop Lion as the mayor of “St. Weedensburgh” just kind out took me out of it. I don’t even remember that character from the book. And I kind of remember Bilbo having a magical sword as his main weapon in the book, not a sock full of nickels. I also didn’t really care for all the product placement. I felt like Gandalf should have been checking a map on an ancient scroll, not an iPad. I AM glad they got rid of that dried up old Geezer Ian McKellen and hippened things up with the inclusion of Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top as Gandalf. Well done Sir!

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As far as the tech goes, I think I made a mistake by putting too many things in the mix. It was hard to really focus on the differences the 48FPS when you have the IMAX and the 3D going on. Unlike some reviewers, it didn’t take any time for me to “adjust” to new format. I felt natural right away. Super Clear, but natural all the same. I didn’t look like a soap opera or a really good BBC video production, it just looked….different. I would have to see it again with the higher frame rate and no 3D to really give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. There were some scenes (like the water in Rivendale) that were really beautiful. And even though I saw it in 3D, there were very few instances of cheap 3D effects (you know, where stuff seems to jump right at you off the screen).

It was a good movie, not a Great movie. A little slow, and little long. I’d rate it a 7 as a movie, maybe and 8/10 with all the IMAX, 3D, and frame stuff added in.


So I have a team put together for GTASC, I’m not going to list their names yet because they don’t need to be dragged into my sordid little world any earlier than necessary. I’ve floated the team name of “Itchy Jihad” to them, and while no one has said they hated it, I think they are just being nice. What about you guys? Can you come up with an awesome team name we can use?

It’s also come to my attention I need to include a bio about myself to submit along with my application. It’s always so hard to write about myself. I came up with this, but I’m not sure it captures who I really am. What do you think?

“I’m J0HNNY FRIENDLY, team captain for “Itchy Jihad.” You may know me from my well received and popular blog. This would be my second scoring competition; I did the GPSM earlier this year. My gamertag is actually my middle name. I’ve been gaming on XBOX for a little over two years. I like to eat Porridge. In my spare time, when I am not gaming, I like to cross dress as Carmen Miranda (I really enjoy fruit). I also like bacon and and rhythmic gymnastics.”

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Stay Thirsty my Friends
#77 "You're just starting that?"
Happy Monday everybody!

Feeling great this AM after a very good NFL weekend. The Denver Broncos won, awesome, but better than that, the New England Patriots lost.

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That means we get a bye in the first round of the playoffs. And maybe, when we do have to play those Tri-Cornered hat wearing bastards, it will be on our turf, not theirs.

“J0HNNY, why do you hate New England so much?”

A lot of reasons. Their coach is a cheater, and looks like Frankenstein crossed with a Dark Sith Lord.

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Their Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels is an asshole who set Denver back years and made us the laughing stock of the NFL. The only thing good that hooded sweatshirt wearing douchebag brought to this town was Tim Tebow. Now McDaniels is back with his cheating mentor Bill Belichik. Let them rot. And don’t get me started on that pompous Ugg wearing Diva of a QB Tom Brady.

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Or that Slag of a wife of his, always shooting her mouth off. I’ve seen sexier lips wrapped around a hook getting reeled in during a Bassmasters Legends of Fishing Exhibition. But I’m sure she’s a nice person deep down.

I played my first XBOX live arcade game this weekend. Nexuiz. (Seriously, can anyone actually pronounce that?) It was on sale and a friend wanted something to play so there you go. Had a number of folks join in. Company was good, game was OK.

I started Saints Row.

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Yeah, Saints Row, the first one. I know, I know, welcome to turn of the century. But it was in the backlog and I finally got around to it. It’s fun. A little harder than I would have guessed right off the bat. And definitely not a score game. I have to give the developers credit, I’ve never run across a game with dialogue that was this edgy. And seeing all the whores everywhere makes me constantly horny. I probably shouldn’t be playing Lollipop Chainsaw at the same time since I have a condition where Zombies give me a boner too.

A couple of people have asked me if I am going to do the multiplayer. I’d love to do the multiplayer, but I don’t know what needs to be done. If you want to do it, and need a boosting partner, let me know, I’m just not well versed in multiplayer to be able to set it up myself but I’ll join if you set it up. I think a couple of them are just co-op type stuff.

I convinced a couple people to go see The Hobbit in IMAX 3D with me tomorrow night. This was quite an accomplishment since asking your buddies if they want to go see The Hobbit with you feels Super “Non-Heterosexual.” It’s not that I’m a huge Hobbit fan, I mean, I liked the Lord of the Rings trilogy and all, but I wasn’t counting the days until the next one came out. I just want to see the movie for the technical aspect. I’ve never really seen an IMAX movie, and the last 3D movie I saw was Jackass 3. I’m still traumatized by the scene where flying dildos are coming at you from off the screen. And the Hobbit was also shot in a faster frame rate than the standard 24 frames per second. I guess that means I’ll really feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.
Stay Thirsty my Friends

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