Leebo GW's Blog - Jul to Sep 19 (0 followers)

PermalinkPost birthday reflections
It has been a while since I posted so, seeing as it was my birthday yesterday, I thought I’d make a post today with some reflections. I’ll try not to make it sound too much like a midlife crisis type post!

Firstly, I’d like to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday and for the gifts and cards. I had an awesome day. Vick and I went to Cardiff and tucked into some food at Ed’s diner. Even though I didn’t have a voucher proving it was my birthday for some discounts the guy there gave us £15 off the bill which was very kind of him. Vick bought me some Ghostbusters Pop figures to mostly complete the awesome set. I’ll be posting some pics later on.

I don’t usually look at my birthday as a moment to make a fresh start, but I think it is time. Well overdue too. I keep setting myself milestones for starting new things, but somehow, I do not get around to starting. Sometimes there is a real reason for me not starting, but mostly it is my mind and my illness sabotaging me as much as possible. There is nothing for it but to fight harder, and I woke up today believing I have the strength to fight harder. This is a big deal for me. I have been suffering at the limit of my ability to fight for what has seemed like months. I’m under no illusions that this is the day that everything in my mind and body clicks into the right place, but I feel like I should celebrate every positive thought that manages to make it through the doubt gauntlet of my mind.

The only slight negative thought that has started to creep in as I write this though is the fact that the majority of my annual leave is almost over and I haven’t done a lot. I suppose that is what breaks are for, but I always feel regret for not doing more with my free time. I guess a lot of people think that way. I also tend to get more and more anxious as I get closer to returning to work after a break. These fears are not based on anything except for my mind playing worse case scenarios, but they continue to play all the same. I am getting better at ignoring them. A little better anyway.

Just reading the above two paragraphs back, and they perfectly illustrate the duality of my moods. Managing to flip from positive to negative in the space of a few minutes is indeed a speciality of mine. What you’ve just read is the internal battle that goes on in my mind consistently. For the most part, the negative win the battles but the duration of the negativity does seem to be lessening.

Anyway, it is a lovely day today, so I’m going to kick back be as productive as possible and soak up the peace.
Posted by Leebo GW on 24 August 19 at 13:46 | There are no comments on this blog - Please log in to comment on this blog.
PermalinkMental seesaw
I think I’ve reached a balance point mentally. Maybe that is wrong? Perhaps a better way of explaining my current mental state is, although it tips wildly in either direction from anger/sadness to happiness/contentment, is that it returns to the centre quickly. That is good news. However, I am finding that my mind wanders quite a lot when I find myself with a little time to myself. I can’t seem to focus on much or stick with things easily during my free time. I’m sure everyone has those moments of clarity when they are standing in the shower whereby you have a million and one thoughts flying around in your head, and you know what you want to do with yourself. When I get out though and cool down from the shower, my motivation and concentration dip to pretty much zero. I read somewhere that your mind flows more freely in the shower and similar situations, but I can’t remember the reason offhand. Maybe something to do with fewer distractions?

The journey back into World of Warcraft has been pretty good so far. I finally made it to the level cap two days ago. I do find it relaxes me and the fact my old guild didn’t kick me out ordemote me from a co-guild master in the eight months (at least) I was offline is nothing short of amazing. I must admit I do not recognise the vast majority of people in the guild now, but I was welcomed back with open, pixelated arms. It felt pretty nice. Now that I have made it to max level though I do not know what to do. I do want to complete all the zones so that will take me quite some time. I don’t think I will play a lot in the evenings so there will be quite a few weekends to go before I have to decide what to do next. I used to enjoy battlegrounds too. I wasn’t very good, but I did enjoy them so I’ll check them out also. I don’t even know what the current state of PvP is or even if there are new BGs though!

I don’t usually comment on events in the news, but I feel like saying what I think about the current discussion around the causes and prevention ideas of mass shootings. I’ve read many theories and arguments for and against greater gun control in the US and although I am an outsider, I truely believe tighter gun control is required. There is also a lot of discussion around violent games being one of the causes of these shootings. I wholly disagree with this. Why, whenever something like this happens, does a lot of media opinion turn back to this tired old argument? I believe that ratings on games should be followed. There are, in my experience, far too many underage people playing 18+ games. Why do some parents allow this? Anyway, I digress, and since I am on the verge of waffling, I will stop this train of thought here.

To change the subject back to happier things, Vick and I went to Barry Island on the weekend. It was the first time I’ve ever been to Barry Island on the train (at least what I can remember), and although the journey took far longer than it would have by car, it was certainly less stressful. We did encounter one platform guard who was miserable and tried to state that mobility scooters were not allowed on the trains, though. He is wrong, and there are even notices in places where they should be parked on trains. There are size limits obviously, but Vicks scooter is far from massive. We mooched around the arcades, the beachfront and a couple of cafes. It was a beautiful day and when we did start to think about leaving it started to rain not long after so the timing was great. We also bumped into my cousin Robert which was great. Robert is doing an excellent job, and I have nothing but respect for what he does.
Posted by Leebo GW on 06 August 19 at 21:13 | There are no comments on this blog - Please log in to comment on this blog.