The days grow longer...
Not even sure if I will post this. I just need a place to talk...
Another day, more problems. Whether it is a coworker telling me that I am small and lame, or a customer getting upset, there are always problems. Today I saw a friend from school at work. Little did I know he didnt seem to be a friend anymore. I walked up to greet him, and instead of the friendship i remembered I was greeted behind a fake smile and an "I have to go" excuse. Going to the gym was a way to be by myself for an hour every few days, trying to get into shape, knowing I am at least bettering my physical body. Sadly, this happiness only stays for so long. I slowly fall back into the same hole that seems to be getting deeper every day. Some days are good, don't get me wrong, but unfortunately I find myself wondering where i will be, or who I am, and these thoughts make me sad. I don't feel like Ill ever be able to succeed in my programming vision. I dont feel like ill ever get bigger like I have tried to do so many times. In my whole life, video games have always been a way for me to forget about life, forget about the outside world and be me. Ive always enjoyed it, and now I find myself sitting with the screen paused, thinking again about all the issues that I have. I think about how many friends I have, and I see that I do not have many. Sure, I talk to people on here, but none reach out to play with me. I have to work for it. I never get that long sought party invite. Or that hey lets play battlefield message. So I look at my real world friends. It is lonely. Ive had three best friends in my life. The first was awesome. Sadly, we grew apart, as he became closer to my other best friend and talked less and less to me. The second best friend and I had a long friendship. Never fought. Never had problems. We had a fall out after he started seeing my ex very soon after our break up. That was a stab in that heart, and although we are reuniting and hanging out, it just isnt the same. And the third, and honestly most important to me. He has always been there. I can remember three years ago getting on xbox and always having that friend to talk to. Whether it was discussing real world problems, gaming problems, it didnt matter. It was just awesome to always have that friend. Sadly, I messed up today, and it seems like it has been an ongoing thing. I dont want to lose this relationship too. Its lonely down here. I have not cried in a while, but tonight I shed tears. I just hope tomorrow is brighter.
Posted by SprinkyDink
on 17 July 17 at 03:26
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