J0HNNY FRIENDLY's Blog - Apr to Jun 12 (69 followers)

Permalink#42 Failure
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What the hell? I've been smoking like a god damn chimney for years now and I have yet to complete my first hurdle event. The ad implies I can lose weight by smoking Luckies. You know the cool non filtered cigarettes from back in the day. The kind Don Draper smokes on Mad Men. The kind my grandfather smoked. But I'm still fat. Not like the guy in the picture. It's not like I have to grab a towel by both ends to wipe my own ass. But let's face it, all that Dr. Pepper isn't building any muscle.

This is the draw video for the giveaway.

Looks like first goes to the tominator18
Pick some kind of prize, you know the constraints.

Second (the steak knives) goes to CaMmY95
Send me a PM so get those shivs to you in Merry Old England.

See Ya
Posted by J0HNNY FRIENDLY on 16 May 12 at 02:09 | There are 5 comments on this blog post - Please log in to comment on this blog.
Permalink#41 Phobia

My Guitar Hero Controller is stricky. The strum button. It’s like sticky inside because it has no snap-back any more. I think some soda got in there, or some St. Bernard drool, I’m not sure which. It’s real stiff. If I play a couple of songs and kind of warm it up it’s semi passable, but as soon as get up to have a smoke or something it tightens up again.
The sad part is I’m already shopping for a new one.

I’m going to try and clean it first. phatal1ty pointed me in the direction of some resources that would help me disassemble it and clean it. But who am I kidding? Inevitably I’m going to ham fist it like a druken monkey and break it. My name is J0HNNY FRIENDLY, not Bob Fucking Villa. I’m just not a handy guy.

I’m a good medium in GH. Can muddle through hard half the time. In Rock Band I can do hard most of the time. Rock Band seems one level easier to me. I could be a solid Hard in GH if I actually practiced a little. I have those skills. But achievements have corrupted me. If there is no achievement for practicing I don’t practice. There are extra cheevos (yes I still call them that, ‘cause I like it) for moving up levels, but unless you can bang in out in expert, there is kind of gap. Hard doesn’t give you much extra it seems. It’s like you have to go all the way or nothing. I don’t feel like putting in the buttload of hours it will take just to get a couple of achievements that aren’t worth that much. Is that lazy?

Impatience man. It’s one of the reasons I’m not as fast a gamer as I’d like. Take Homefront for instance. There are achievements for going through each level without dying. Not too difficult on easy, but you can’t just barrel though without looking. But it takes me three times as long as your average Joe because I want to just hurry through it. If I slowed down, it would actually be faster, get it? Homefront. Speaking of sticky, the controls in that game feel like they are submerged in a pot of lukewarm gravy. Very sluggish and unresponsive.

Random weird fact about me: I’m afraid of wheelchairs. Specifically the older, shiny metal ones. Weird huh?

Numbers: Last day. If you haven’t sent one, send one. Between 1-1000. Win some free shit.

Quote for today: Chancho, when you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.

Have a good weekend everybody.
Posted by J0HNNY FRIENDLY on 11 May 12 at 20:18 | There are 6 comments on this blog post - Please log in to comment on this blog.
Permalink#40 Soda Fetish
It’s come to my attention that there are a lot of Sodas masquerading as Dr. Pepper. Impersonating the One True Soda. I had no idea how bad the problem was until was confronted with this:
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Dr. Thunder? More like Dr. Assjuice. Dr. Rocket? Dr.K? (Kevorkian's brand of choice, when you're DYING for a Dr. Pepper I guess) There's even a Dr. Perky. Christ, there's like 50 of them

Don't be cheap bastard. I know a guy needs a little strange every now and then. I myself once drank some Mr. Pibb in college. It was a phase OK? Just an experiment. Look at this guy. Note the shit eating grin. That’s a look that comes from Genuine Dr. Pepper (and also a fine Scotch, but I digress)
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This is what to look for. See where it says “Made with real Sugar?” That’s your guarantee of quality.
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Did you know Dr. Pepper has 23 flavors? Now I’m no mathematician, but 23 x 3 = 69. So for every three cans of Dr. Pepper you drink, it’s like having sex one time.

I’m usually not big on moderation, but if you’re just starting out, stay away from the hard stuff:

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I know what you’re thinking. “It’s bacon and I can drink it.” But Dr. Pepper HAS bacon. It’s one of the 23 flavors. Why else would the slogan be this?
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Look. Do it for America:

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Need I say more?

PS Send me your numbers, cut off is tomorrow at midnight
PPS Couldn't find a Happy Gilmore quote I liked. But I did find this great pick up line:

I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchakus in there anymore.

Until Tomorrow,
Pedro offers you his protection.
Posted by J0HNNY FRIENDLY on 10 May 12 at 23:00 | There are 8 comments on this blog post - Please log in to comment on this blog.
Permalink#39 A day without the Pottymouth
I use a lot of bad language in this blog. It’s true. I possibly swear more on a per blog basis than anyone else. So I’m going see if I can post something today with no foul language. No sexual innuendo. No backhanded insults.

There will be no talk today of Tossers, Rogering, Swinging Dicks, Octoporn, or Peeing on guys at work. I will not mention what a steaming pile of shit this or that game was. Won’t refer to pants rabbits, won’t call anyone I don’t like a Basement Dwelling Asshole. If you came here today looking for more stories of tear lubed anal Mom rape you will be disappointed. I won’t say so and so is fucked in the head, this guy’s a Wanker, that gal’s a Trollop, or insinuate someone is Drug addled. And under no circumstances will I use the term Douchebag.

“Mr. Madison Friendly, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

“My Uncle Frank puts out a better blog than you and he lost three of his fingers in a lawnmower”

First, Your Uncle Frank has an unfair advantage because he’s named after a tasty meat snack. Second, it’s not a competition. If I lost 3 fingers in lawnmower it wouldn’t make my blog any better. It would make it harder to write however.

Haven’t talked much about actually gaming in awhile. For a guy who spouts off all the time in a gaming blog, I spend surprisingly little time talking about actual gaming.

Played a little more Driver last weekend, you know how much I like that game. Finished the main story in Splatterhouse, I might go back and get a few more points in that game but I doubt it. Just kind of an average game, I did appreciate the use of “Mature Subject Matter” collectibles. At least it made them interesting. Started in on the Music game thing because of the Music Mayhem thing going on TA right now. So far I’m running about 50%. By that I mean about half the time a member of the session doesn’t show up. I wish we could leave feedback, that’s probably the only gripe I have with the whole MM thing. I think it’s cool that the TA organizers went to the trouble of setting it up. I would like to see more communicable events in the future.

I’ve only gotten around 15 numbers for the giveaway deal. SEND ME YOUR NUMBERS! I’ll take them til Friday. Drawing this weekend. If you don’t know what I’m talking about look back a few posts.

Stay Thirsty my friends
Posted by J0HNNY FRIENDLY on 09 May 12 at 19:11 | There are 12 comments on this blog post - Please log in to comment on this blog.
Permalink#38 Open Letter
To the Hacker that was responsible for the TA outage this weekend:

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Thanks for fucking up TA over the weekend asshole. I know you’re probably too busy circle jerking with the rest of your Mom’s basement dwelling cronies to probably read this, but I think it’s important at least one person calls you out for the douchebag you really are. I’m not a tekky guy, what you did may not even technically be hacking, but whatever you did to cause TA to go down make me have to look at a white screen every time I log now, was a chicken shit move. Why don’t you change out of your Dorito stained sweats, take a shower, shave of that ridiculous moustache you can’t grow and come outside? So I can punch you in the face.

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You’re a complete douchebag who isn’t even worth half the set of Fucknuts you currently sport. Aren’t you the “Guy who still high fives?” I’ll bet you like to spit too don’t you? Are you a spitter? Probably. Because you get satisfaction out fucking things up for the rest of us. You know. It’s cool to fuck up stuff for random people you will ever even meet. Wow. What fun. Feel big now? Important? Did you get some street cred from your Krew of miscreant non job having degenerates? Just thought you should know that while you were crying in your Mountain Dew about how poorly TA has treated you, about how they removed your achievements even though you cheated, about how the assholes at TA don’t want to be friends with you, I’ve been busy too. Let me tell you, your Mom’s ass was hot.

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Be a man you pussy. If you’re so proud of what you’ve done, why not let us all know who you are and why you did it? Let us all hear your side. Most of all, tell us where we can find you. You know, so we can hang out. That’s what you really want isn’t it? Acceptance? Friends? To be a part of something where you can be seen in the daylight instead of scurrying around like the weasel you are. Get a life Fucknuts. Leave TA to us. Learn to spraypaint and leave your piss tracks on society that way. Do some more stalking on Match.com. Or go back to staring at that awesome poster of Princess Lea circa 1977 you hold up with one hand cause your other has a deathgrip on your Fleshlight. Fuckin’ loser.

Posted by J0HNNY FRIENDLY on 07 May 12 at 20:29 | There are 11 comments on this blog post - Please log in to comment on this blog.