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PermalinkXboxOne - Awesomeness
Is that even a word.

Well I thought all my Christmas's had come at once with the unveiling of XboxOne. Apparently I can now stay in Bed whilst Playing games, watching TV, surfing the net, having 8,000 friends and eat donuts. mmmm donuts!!! And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

The Kinect is always on as well, comes with a pair of arms to help you with those lonely moments, yet has no speech capability. Bonus!!!
Now if I can only persuade the NHS to Install a Colostomy Bag, I will never have to move again. Thanks Microsoft you have thought of everything.
I just now need to work out how to rent one for less than 12 months, after all, this time next year I will have died from some obesesity related illness.

In all seriousness though, why the fuck do I want all my eggs in one basket? So I get the red ring of death, suddenly I can do nothing my games, my TV, my internet all fucked. But its OK I have a warranty, you'll fix and send it back to me in 2 weeks. 2 sodding weeks, what the hell am I supposed to do. Anyway 2 weeks later my Box is back, New Hard drive or processor or something, excited I load up my game, time to jump back in. NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

MS have one more surprise for me, the game don't work, I need to pop down game and pay them £10 so I can use it on another console or something like that. (Shut up before you comment this is not real dipshit). Well thats not happening, I haven't moved for 6 months, I don't fit through the door anymore and the only carer prepared to go to the shops for me is a Mr J Saville. Not sure I can trust him He came highly recommend by LGShitman but I'm a little unsure.

Anyhow back to reality, I want a games system not a fucking entertainment system you knobs. So £429, err No, not happening. Don't care about all your bits you are doing to games as I only buy new anyway and am always connected to Internet. But £429 for a games console is steep. Sell me the one without all that other shit on it for £250 you got a happy customer, otherwise its 360 all the way.

Multiplayer Update

Finished dirt 3, needed 2 people and you spin about 10,000's. Sounds familiar, now where did I see this before. Finished RF, Fifa 12 & Ace Combat Co-op.

In store for June?? Gaming to take a backseat - Trolling Pikey's instead
Posted by ukinspro on 13 June 13 at 12:53
LGS I Hitman Will you fuck off
Posted by LGS I Hitman on 13 Jun 13 at 13:32
Jalalabad CBoy Awesomeness became a word when youtube was overan with videos of people unpacking boxes. This is completely different from the videos I tend to search for (boxes getting packed). So there you have it, mother and son team putting up videos on the tinterweb, one involved with packing and the other unpacking.

Personally, I cannot wait until the Xbox Juan is released. It is a Mexican version which sounds mucho like the one you describe. You get to stay on the floor playing games, watching Spanish soap operas, looking up the price of combat knives, and adding 8,000 potential friends with promises of "my rich Nigerian uncle died...".

The Kinect is a covert spying tool used by Nachosoft to determine the amount of maize that will be required for the year. If you don't have one installed one family of 24 may go hungry.

The Xbox Juan is modelled on the Mexican road system. When one goat decides to stand in the middle of the road, no children go to school, no drugs are traded and no cops beat on the unemployed. Therefore, if one little thing goes wrong, the entire system stops working. You then need to fly LGS I Hitman out on a private jet to deal with the goat, and as we all know, that takes around 2 weeks.

Now once the goat is out of the road, things start moving again. But by the time the children get to the school, or the dealer cuts his supply, or the cops arrive at the welfare office, they are all shouting "NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!".

Some pikey has only gone onto the roof and stole the lead. You then need to take 10 gallons of salsa sauce down to the local metal market to get a replacement.

Good news is that George Romero is in town, and has a trap set up consisting of sixteen miles of train track. Once he sees Pikeman down on the track trying to pull out the bolts, he jumps onto the little thief to provide some rapid teabag care.

Anyhow back to reality, I want a games system not a fat sweaty guy in green spandex and mask who cannot pronounce the "s" sound. See you later Juan Cars.
Posted by Jalalabad CBoy on 13 Jun 13 at 14:40