TA Top Five: Holiday Party Invitees

By Jonathan Barnes,
On behalf of the Newshound Team, I'd like to wish you Happy Holidays and such. As many of us sit down for a nice glass of nog in an ugly sweater, perhaps surrounded by friends, enemies, and/or frenemies, our thoughts may turn to the gaming console that's possibly being neglected as the party rages. Who from that digital land of wonder do you wish were at this party? Who would you like to catch under the mistletoe or toast with a glass of fine cham-pan-yeh? Here is our list of gaming characters we'd like to invite to our holiday shindig at the Secret Newshound Volcano Lair.

Honorable Mentions

Covetous Shen - Diablo III Achievements

Alright, he might get annoying after a bit, but who would have better stories than a jeweler who may/may not actually be a god? Put a few drinks into Covetous and let him tell stories of his many wives to the delight of the few who may have issues moving.

Varric Tethras - Dragon Age II Achievements

If enjoying fantasy tropes has taught me anything, it's that Dwarves love to drink and are the life of any good party. Much like Covetous, Varric is an excellent storyteller. Sit him down with a tankard of ale and listen as he talks of the Inquisition, the Blight, and tales from the deep.

TA's Top Five Holiday Party Invitees

#5 - Triss Merigold - The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Achievements

Xmas Party 6

Anyone who's played The Witcher 2 knows that Triss is smart, witty, fun, and funny. As a sorceress she has to know a party trick or two to liven up the party, should things get too quiet. Also... um... Mistletoe. wink

#4 - Frank West - Dead Rising (Xbox 360) Achievements
Xmas Party 2

We all know that holiday parties can get a little wild and you'll probably need someone to document the hijinks for posterity. Who better than Frank West to capture those Kodak moments? The guy has covered wars AND zombie outbreaks, he's clearly the most qualified to handle the insanity of the Newshound Holiday Party which may or may not feature a tipsy wookie.

Tie at #3 - Eddie Riggs - Brutal Legend and Elsa Lichtmann - L.A. Noire Achievements

Xmas Party 4

What's a party without some tunes? As a master shredder and roadie, Eddie is the best guy in gaming for some serious shreddery. Few things would make me happier than seeing him bust out Clementine and blast through some holiday tunes metal style. It has to beat Trans-Siberian Orchestra, right?

Xmas Party 1

In the same vein, Elsa's presence provides the yin to Eddie's yang. Elsa is here to class up the joint. Put her in front of a full band and let her sing through some of those holiday classics in a stunning evening gown and I'm a happy boy.

#2 - Mad Moxxi - Borderlands 2 Achievements

Xmas Party 3

It may shock none some of you, but I enjoy a drink or seven at my holiday parties. While I generally prefer to make them and entertain, I wouldn't say no to a wonderful bartender, especially one as "gifted" as Moxxi. Plus, if things ever got out of hand, you know she's packing a shotgun under the bar.

#1 - Ezio Auditore da Firenze - Assassin's Creed: Revelations Achievements

Xmas Party 5

I think it's important to distinguish that this is Revelations-era Ezio, not AC II-era Ezio. AC II-era Ezio would drink all of the wine and steal all of the ladies. Revelations-era Ezio would be chock full of stories about exploring the world, romancing ladies (while respecting yours), and hanging out with some of the coolest people in history. I'd open a bottle of the finest red, pour him a hefty glass, and listen for hours. Plus, if he let me cut the Buche de Noel with his hidden blade, it would be a double bonus.

The TA Team will be bringing you The TA Top Five every Sunday until we run out of coolness to debate and discuss. If you have an idea for a Top Five you'd like us to do, be sure to let us know in the comments!
Jonathan Barnes
Written by Jonathan Barnes
Jonathan has been a news/views contributor since 2010. When he's not writing reviews, features, and opinion pieces, he spends his days working as an informal science educator and his nights as an international man of mystery.