For the most part, achievements reward you for doing something totally righteous and heroic as you go around righting wrongs, beating baddies, restoring order and picking up collectibles. Sometimes, though, there are achievements that say "let loose, take a walk on the wild side, pick up and play with some feces". It's those achievements we'll be focusing on today, as we take a look at the top achievements for doing things of a rather morally dubious nature.
Laying Into Cute Innocent Animals - Overlord II Achievements
How could you, in all good conscience, take a club to that cute face?
Sure, the Overlord games are all about being the baddest of the bad, but is there anything badder than getting your minions to take their clubs and aim them squarely in the faces of innocent baby seals? I think not. On a similar vein, Red Dead Redemption Achievements gets a mention for rewarding you for causing the extinction of an entire species. Buffalo aren't as cute as baby seals, though. And the coats you make from their fur aren't anywhere near as snuggly.
Messing With Tender Bits - Saints Row: The Third Achievements
Yes, this person shot someone in the balls with a tank. Now, that's just overkill.
Men everywhere wince at the excruciating thought of their delicate bits in peril. Women everywhere shrug their shoulders and wonder what the big deal is. Sure, it's not like giving birth, but it hurts gosh darn it! The anti-social act of shooting people in the goolies has been a feature of the often irreverent and morally dubious Saints Row series since the second installment, which rewarded players for 100 instances of penis poppery. However, in the third game, the protagonist takes the nutshot to the next level, adding a bit of melee testicle tomfoolery to the mix. This achievement rewards you for both shooting and punching people in the balls. Those poor, poor gang members and their poor, poor members.
Playing with Poop - Duke Nukem Forever Achievements
Didn't your mother ever warn you about the dangers of E. coli, Duke?
The Duke Nukem series isn't known for its subtlety. Toilet humour and actual excrement have featured frequently in the series since Duke Nukem 3D Achievements, in which the player can make Duke walk through some poop for an achievement and he literally tears off a boss's head and craps down its neck. However, humour and taste really went down the drain in Duke Nukem Forever, in which the player can gleefully(?) make Duke pick up turds from toilets and throw them around, despite his many protestations. I'm still not entirely sure why. Maybe the developers were making an ironic dig at games where literally everything is interactive, even the pointless "crap". Or maybe they just really wanted to extend their skills in rendering skidmarks. Regardless, I just hope Duke washes his hands before tipping a stripper with those fingers.
The Top Five
5: Explosive Un-Pickpocketing - Fallout 3 Achievements
This wasn't the "pants party" he was hoping for
Stealing is bad. However, many games allow players the freedom to trawl through innocent villagers' houses and freely pilfer what they fancy for their own needs. Sometimes, there are repercussions for such actions, such as fines, jail time or disdaining looks. Sometimes, the rightful owners just stare blankly as you rifle through their prized possessions. In Fallout 3, if you're sneaky enough, you can even lift people's life sustaining food and weapons right out of their pockets. Sure, that's bad, but that's not the really morally dubious stuff. In the game, you can not only remove items from people, but you can also place items on them. "Like a nice cool bottle of Nuka Cola, you mean?" Well, yes, you can reverse-pickpocket friendly useful stuff like bullets and nutrients. But you can also plant a grenade in their pants. A live one. Unfortunately for the poor recipient of this psychotic prank, they become all too aware of the extra weight they're carrying and spend a couple of panicked seconds running away in absolute terror before voiding their bowels, blood, bones and limbs in all directions. Needless to say, such immoral acts have rather a hefty effect on your Karma and its swing towards Evil.
4: Partaking in an Orgy - Fable II Achievements
This was the "pants party" he was hoping for The The Swinger achievement in Fable II worth 7 pointsTake part in a debauched bedroom party with several participants.
Some might argue that sexual congress with multiple partners isn't necessarily morally dubious, but rather something to be celebrated and rewarded with a "well done", a pat on the back and a cold beer. Consider this though, in Fable II you can have sexual relations with a number of partners of different genders, unprotected, carrying STDs, whilst married and with children. Still not morally dubious enough for you? Apparently, you can take as many people as you can get to follow you to take part, so whilst many consider two simultaneous partners raunchy enough, others have amassed a horde of eager participants in their own debauched re-enactments of the aeroplane scene from The Wolf of Wall Street.
3: Taking a Peek - Lollipop Chainsaw Achievements
Nah, not sexy. It just looks like she's holding in a fart.
Japanese games are often on the receiving end of morally upstanding citizens' ire when it comes to the over-sexualisation and objectification of women in their titles. This isn't new to the current generation either. I remember crawling through vents and chasing her into toilets to catch Meryl in her pants in Metal Gear Solid. Then again, Snake was always a bit of a perve. I mean, he kisses posters in lockers. However, in recent times, Suda 51 has been the one to regularly press his crotch against the boundaries of decency with his opuses, including Shadows of the Damned Achievements (Big Boner anyone?) and Killer is Dead Achievements (with its core seduction gameplay). 2012's Lollipop Chainsaw is no different, with Juliet the nubile young cheerleader clearly a supremely over-sexualised representation of...ooo...I just moved the camera and peeped up her skirt and it gave me an achievement...heh heh heh *cough cough* I mean, erm, yes. Disgusting. You scoundrels even enjoyed the achievement so much that it won two awards in that year's TA Game of the Year Awards. For those who prefer T to A in their achievements, Asura's Wrath Achievements rewards players for taking their time to...enjoy...the upper parts of the female form with View of the Valley. Are there any achievements that redress the gender balance by rewarding players for staring at dongs?
2: Taking a Lot More Than a Peek - South Park: The Stick of Truth (Xbox 360) Achievements
The achievement list for the latest South Park game could make up this entire list ten times over, what with poo slinging to rival Duke's, animal abuse that makes seal massacres seem tame, sexuality that would make Suda blush, David Hasselhoff and...this. Although it may seem tame in comparison for some people, there's just something scarring I find at the thought of sitting to watch your parents do it for an uncomfortable amount of time. If this actually happened to you, it would probably be the longest sixty seconds of your life.
1: Treating Women Very Poorly - Red Dead Redemption Achievements
Yes, those are person chunks raining from the sky
The achievement involves finding yourself an innocent lady and brutally hogtying her. But wait! It doesn't end there. You then have to transport said hogtied woman to a set of train tracks and lay her down onto them. Then, you wait. Ultimately, the inevitable happens and the poor bound female soon becomes a fine spray of meaty chunks as the 10:15 from Armadillo speeds its way over the tracks. Meanwhile, you twiddle your moustache and practise your best evil cackle. In a game where the protagonist battles with his unlawful past in an effort to have a peaceful future, it's an act of pure, unadulterated evil. It's also the second best achievement of this generation, according to you lot. So I guess that makes you pure, unadulterated evil. Are you proud of yourselves?
Well, now we've thoroughly delved into the murky world of morally dubious achievements, let us know your favourite achievements or moments in games where you got to do something society wouldn't look too kindly on (barring all the usual killing and maiming, of course).
The TA Team will be bringing you The TA Top Five every Sunday until we run out of coolness to debate and discuss. If you have an idea for a Top Five you'd like us to do, be sure to let us know in the comments!