Hi, I’m Valentin Seleznyov, and I’m sure that this will maybe alienate a few readers. Those of you that know me can be sure that I probably don’t care.
The other day I joined a campaign game of Left 4 Dead. There were already two guys in there, talking about achievements. Apparently they were wanting to go through the campaign without disturbing the witch, and then quizzed me on whether I’d intentionally screw it up for them. I assured them I wouldn’t, and that in fact I am quite something, when it comes to the game. I chose to play as Zoey, and then we started talking about Obama’s visit to France, and how I find Sarkozy to be one the better current world leaders. It was all very pleasant.
Then a fourth player joined the lobby. She was a girl. And she was of the opinion that having ovaries gave her a divine right to play as Zoey. She asked that I relinquish control of the character. I politely declined her request, which then became a demand, and then an incessant whine.
“I’m a girl, I get to play as Zoey”. “Why do you want to play as her, are you a cross dresser?”.
I said that if I was her, her ass wouldn’t serve as a distraction whilst playing. I was joking, obviously. But it did little to lighten the mood, and now the two other players were getting involved. I was issued with an ultimatum. Either click off Zoey, or get kicked.
As the main title screen came back up it occurred to me that I don’t actually have any positive experiences with girls and gaming. And setting up a gold account for my girlfriend a few weeks ago has only strengthened my view that girl gamers are whiny, and that they should stick to dance simulation games.
Watching Rachel run out of ammo with three guys left to kill on the first part of the first level of Quantum of Solace was hilarious. But it was also frustrating. It did kind of make me feel good when she gave me the controller and told me to do it for her, though. Maybe that’s why god created a few girls that enjoy video games? To act as the dainty damsel in distress that exist in action movies and not in the real lives of most people that play video games.
In fact, the best contribution a member of the fairer sex has made to a game I’ve been playing was when another girl screamed whenever she saw a zombie on Left 4 Dead. It got to be a little annoying by the end of the fifth chapter, but it added a little tension and atmosphere.
Maybe that view makes me a little bit of a male chauvinist. However, if I was as bad a shot as she was, I would have probably taken to screaming too.
Or maybe I’m just unlucky and have missed the hordes of wonderful gaming females that inhabit xbox live? I’m sceptical.