While hunting high and low for this week’s interview, I’ve fallen into a plethora of community members who are vying to experience the shock of “The Gamish Inquisition”. As I sort applicants, carefully weighing the bribe that each has offered, I felt the first, non-DavieMarshall inquisition should go to a name that everyone should recognize from the front page, PunkyLiar
, our Assistant News Manager.
__________________________________________________OBJ - There’s a story behind every gamertag, what’s yours? Whenever I hear the word “Punky” I think of Bear Grylls talking about firewood and whenever I hear “Liar”… well… we might have to doubt the veracity of your answers.
PL - When I was 15, I needed to come up with an e-mail ID for my first account. At the time, there were a lot of adverts featuring a witty stuffed monkey (called Monkey believe it or not) and Johnny Vegas, who were trying to sell a doomed digital TV service. One of the adverts focused on the ability to surf the internet from the digibox, where Johnny Vegas was trying to buy crisps for himself, and was then going to visit monkeyladies.com to find Monkey a girlfriend. Despite Monkey’s insistence that he didn’t need any help, he was later caught using the dating website and was called a “Monkeyliar”
I was going to take “Monkeyliar” as my e-mail address, but it needed at least six numbers at the end before it would be accepted, and that wasn’t individual enough for me. I was listening to a lot of Blink 182 at the time, so I tweaked it slightly and “Punkyliar” was born. It has remained as my ‘tag’ wherever I’ve been since. I still have my stuffed Monkey too. OBJ – That’s interesting because I’ve heard horror stories of people signing up for dating sites and ending up at dinner with a baboon, but I digress.
Where is home for you and, if I were to pay a visit, what are the things you would INSIST that I see or do before I leave? Bonus points will be awarded if your answer includes chips, Strongbow and/or bulldogs named “Winston”.
PL - I live near Aberystwyth, which is located in the middle of the west coast of Wales. There isn’t much to do around here, although we do have a university and are a student town, so we do have some semblance of nightlife. The scenery is amazing around here though, and I’d highly recommend a walk along the coastal path and a visit to some of the local nature reserves. Watching the red kites feeding at Nant-yr-Arian is quite an experience!
As far as food or drink goes, Park Lodge is great for a family meal, and they flash-fry their chips before deep-frying them – they’re the nicest chips to be had around here. I’d recommend Harleys for a pub with a great atmosphere (and they sell Strongbow on tap). We don’t have bulldogs around here though.
What do I win for using the keywords?OBJ – As a reward, we’re doubling your Newshound salary! My quest to find an English Bulldog named “Winston” carries on to another day.
Speaking of ‘hounds, as one of the most active ‘hounds on the site (#1 on the News Leaderboard, folks), I have to ask: How’s the home life? Is there a Mr. Punky in your life? How about a PunkyCat, PunkyDog, or PunkySnake?
PL - I’ve been with my fiancé for nearly five years now. We don’t have a date for the wedding yet before anybody asks
. He plays games as much as I do, although he’s a lot more specific about the types of games that he likes. He’s on TA too, but is adamant that he doesn’t want naming in my interview.
We live in rented accommodation, and it’s mentioned in the contract that we’re not allowed to have pets. They did relent and allow us to have our PunkyFish though. We have a 4ft x 1ft x 1.5ft tropical tank with Golden Barbs, Neon Tetras, an albino Rainbow Shark, Corydoras and a 10-inch Plecostomus. We also occasionally ‘borrow’ next-door’s cat, Harri. He turns up when he’s wet / hungry / cold / wants a cuddle, as he knows that we’re daft enough to let him in. This is Harri, and yes, he really was asleep in this position when we took the photo.
I could skin him sometimes though – he’s brought me a dead shrew and an injured baby mouse. We live near farmland and have a colony of shrews at the back of the garden. Recently, we watched Harri catch a shrew and then drop it half way down the garden. I couldn’t see any trace of the shrew by the time I’d reached him, so I assumed that it had escaped. I was just about to leave him alone when he pounced on a bit of grass, and it squealed. I managed to manhandle the shrew back into the overgrown vegetation from which it came, and left Harri still pouncing on the grass while wondering why it wasn’t making a noise.OBJ – It seems Harri is no Petruchio when it comes to taming shrews, but few are.
All of the Newshounds are volunteers on this site (We’re searching for more!) and as such, we all come from different professional/academic backgrounds. With that in mind, what is your educational background and what kind of profession pays your bills?
PL - I have a degree in geography, but lean more towards environmental science. I used to work at a local nature reserve where we’d be responsible mainly for visitor management, but also some basic conservation tasks. The most enjoyable aspect was leading school groups and tourists around the reserve on guided walks, and managing to interest more people in the idea of looking after the environment and their local wildlife. I still do bird surveys occasionally on a voluntary basis.
Unfortunately, I’ve been unemployed for nearly three years, despite losing count of the number of job applications that I’ve filled out over that period of time. I had a temporary cleaning job a few weeks ago, but that has ended since. My fiancé is a bus driver though, so we have a regular income coming in. Things are tight at times, but we get by.
I should be employed again by mid-August, but the details aren’t confirmed, so I’m not allowed to say anything more yet.OBJ – With a background in geography, I’m assuming that (when you’re not gaming) you spend your evenings in a smoking jacket wafting a brandy snifter while you examine an old-fashioned globe as Bach plays softly in the background: confirm, deny or elaborate.
PL - I don’t drink or smoke, so that screws your assumption
. I go through phases of reading, gaming and doing jigsaw puzzles. The puzzles I enjoy the most are the Photomosaic series, where there is an overall picture created from thousands of smaller pictures. I like something with a bit of a challenge, and it takes hours to complete one of those.
I am in the middle of reading Charles Dickens’ “Oliver Twist”, but I’ve lost momentum with it. Dickens is one of those authors who tend to ramble, and it gets a bit much at times. It’s a shame really, because I loved “A Christmas Carol”.
I also rollerblade occasionally, and have an old pair of Salomon STI-Pro’s. They’re in a really good condition though, so it shows how little I’ve used them. I tried using the ramps at our local skate park, but I used to crash into them as opposed to skating up them. I could never get over my sense of self preservation to get seriously into that side of the sport.OBJ – Ah, Dickens… verbose and paid by the word… much like Peter Molyneux.
Outside of gaming, what is your favorite form of media and your favorite artist within that media?
PL - I love music. I’ve recently moved into the world of the MP3 player, and I had to have a 160 Gb iPod to accommodate my collection. It’s taking a lot of time to rip my CDs onto iTunes though, so I have to do it in stages. I currently have just under 4,000 songs transferred – I would estimate that I still have two-thirds of my collection left to copy.
I’ll listen to most things, although my collection is heavily influenced by rock and metal. I wouldn’t say that I have a favourite artist as such, although my most-listened-to albums at the moment feature Queen, Nickelback, Avenged Sevenfold, Within Temptation, Bowling for Soup, My Chemical Romance and New Found Glory. I’m listening to a lot of contemporary classical at the moment too. I love the work of Karl Jenkins. He’s made up his own language so that you focus more on the vocal harmonies than you do on what is actually being said.
Last week I also went to see the Lion King musical in London. I grew up listening to musical soundtracks, and this is the fifth that I’ve seen; the others are Cats, Saturday Night Fever, Starlight Express, and Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat. It was a fantastic show, and we got to meet two of the cast members at the end, which made it an extra-special experience.OBJ – Putting the punk in Punky… I dig.
Now that we know the PunkyPerson, let’s meet the PunkyGamer; starting with a picture of your setup.
PL - I hope you realise that I dusted here before I took the picture . This is our main setup, where we have all of our current generation consoles and a couple from the last generation. We have an Xbox Premium 60GB console, but we have another 120GB hard drive too. We keep our profiles on a memory card and just change the hard drives as needed. Both the PS3 and Xbox 360 have extra cooling fans (the blue light under the Xbox is a laptop cooling fan), and they’re on surge protectors since we had a power surge that red-ringed our Xbox – luckily, it recovered. We have our Kinect Sensor on the shelf above the TV to give us as much play space as possible. The shelf that can just be seen behind the TV holds most of the extra peripherals when they’re not being used.
PL - This is my beloved drum kit. You can just see my Rock Band guitar in the bottom right of the picture. I have a Guitar Hero drum kit too, and two more guitars. In the background are our PCs, both of which are used for gaming. The one on the left is my fiancé’s PC, which runs on Windows 7 and is used for the recent games. The one on the right is my PC and it still runs on Windows XP, so that I can play all of my older point-and-click titles.
PL - We hoard a lot of games – we only trade in titles that we’re never going to play again because we disliked them so much. That rarely happens, as I get to do a lot of research on a game whilst being a Newshound; it comes with the territory. Each shelf contains two rows of games, so there are actually four rows of Xbox 360 games.
PL - This is the alternative setup with our more retro / less commonly used consoles. We have this in our bedroom, and nearly gave ourselves a hernia lugging the TV up the stairs. Most of the consoles aren’t wired in yet, as we’ve only just shifted the furniture around in our bedroom, but it’s a work in progress. All of the controllers and leads tend to be stored in a box underneath the bed.OBJ – With your massive catalog, I have to ask, what is your first video game memory?
PL - I’m not too sure. My early memories are a little hazy when it comes to an exact timeline, and it could be any one of these three. We used to visit a wholesale warehouse in a nearby city when my dad needed supplies for his school trips. They had a SEGA Mega Drive on a demonstration stand with Altered Beast
as the game that customers could try out. I was really bad at this game, but my sister and I spent so much time on this stand that our parents eventually bought us a SEGA Master System II.
Whilst we’re on the subject of dad and his school, he teaches science for 11-14 year olds. He used to have a BBC computer in his lab, and he had a selection of educational games that taught you about things like safety with fireworks, or hazards in the home. I used to love playing these when I was in there during the holidays, especially as the alternative was to read science textbooks that were too advanced for me.
Around the same time, my uncle had a NES, and I remember playing Super Mario Bros
and Duck Hunt
with the Zapper. He kept that system for years; I’d love to know what happened to it in the end.OBJ – A game that teaches the safety of fireworks… how apropos for this weekend as the States will be celebrating our unshackling from your government’s merciless tyranny by blowing up a small portion of the land we liberated from George… kidding.
Since I broached history, let’s hop into Doc Brown’s DeLorean with Marty and Einstein and go back in time. If the first video game you ever played had achievements, what would your first achievement have been?
PL - This one has actually been answered for me thanks to the XBLA port of Altered Beast
The first game that I ever owned was Alex Kidd in Miracle World
. The first achievement that I could have earned in this would have been something like “Octopus Slayer – punch the first octopus in the face twice to reveal the bonus round”. I still remember the excitement as I told my friend that we’d found this secret area.OBJ - What is your “console history”? i.e. What gaming platforms have you owned?
PL - My family did have an Acorn Electron computer, but we didn’t really play many games on it, as it had to be used for school work. My first console was a SEGA Master System II, and I had a Gameboy as well. After that though, my parents refused to let us upgrade to another console. Eventually the Electron started playing up and we bought our first PC. From this point on, I was solely a casual PC gamer until I met my fiancé.
At the time that we met, my fiancé’s console collection included a SEGA Mega Drive, a Nintendo 64, a Dreamcast, an Xbox and a Playstation 2. He also had a Gameboy, but he didn’t have any of the current generation of consoles. We solved this by buying a Nintendo DS and a Wii in the same year. This was followed by an Xbox 360 as a Christmas present the following year and a Playstation 3 in the year after that. As I mentioned before, we both have gaming PCs with different operating systems and specifications, and we also both have a PSP.
We’ve since bought a Gamecube, because our Wii kept corrupting the memory cards, and we have a Gameboy Colour and a Gameboy Advance that I got for free through some earlier voluntary work.OBJ – Croinke… I’m coming to visit! Aside from the 360, which of the aforementioned consoles would you say is your favorite and why?
PL - I’d miss my PC tremendously. I love point-and-click games, and nothing beats playing those with a mouse and keyboard. It was extremely difficult changing from playing shooters on the PC, to playing them using a controller on a console. The PC is the only thing that tied me over between my Master System and meeting my fiancé; without that bridge, I wouldn’t like to say that I’d have got back into gaming in the way that I have now.OBJ - You have a great weekly blog here on TA. What do you think the key is to a good gaming blog?
When I started blogging, I never thought that anybody outside of my friends list would be interested in my opinions. It does amaze me how many people enjoy reading my blogs now. My first piece of advice would be to stick at it; you’re not going to get many followers straight away. If your friends are commenting on your blogs in your feed then they’re reading them, and the chances are that other people are too, even if they don’t subscribe. I know that I have more people read my blog than the actual followers that I have, and that’s fine by me – it makes it worth writing.
You have to enjoy writing a blog, and enjoy writing about the topics that you cover. It’s really easy to tell which people find writing blogs to be a chore, and which people have enthusiasm about their writing. I find that I have a wide range of people who read my blog. I’m constantly mixing up my blog topics so that the majority of tastes are catered for, and it keeps it interesting for me too. I do reviews, blogs about my weekly gaming achievements / disasters, or my opinions on current gaming topics. Occasionally I go off-topic if I’ve been away for the week, but this is rare.
Finally, don’t blog more frequently than necessary. I’ve seen some people who write a new entry every day just for the sake of keeping a daily blog. Quite often they don’t have anything new to say; eventually the readers get bored of reading them, and the authors get bored with writing them. There are some people who can write a great daily blog as they have enough going on in their gaming life to justify it, but I’m not one of those people. I feel that a weekly blog is frequent enough for me.OBJ - Speaking of your blog, one of your most recent posts was a personal wrap-up on E3 in which you discussed your top five announcements of new games as well as your top five, previously announced games. What game/feature do you WISH would have been announced that wasn’t?
PL - That’s a tough one. To be honest, I’ve learnt not to anticipate announcements at E3 because I’d always end up being disappointed. I guess I was surprised by the lack of announcement regarding a new Rainbow Six game, as there have been numerous rumours and several supposedly leaked screenshots indicating that the game is in development. I loved Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2
, and I’d be thrilled with a new instalment to the franchise.
If I was disappointed by anything, it probably had more to do with the lack of news on I Am Alive
. I say a gameplay video of that game on the Xbox dashboard several months ago, and it looked really interesting. Apparently the game has now been classified in Australia, which means that it is still in development, but the lack of news and updates from Ubisoft is not encouraging.OBJ - Kinect is a polarizing topic on TA right now. Many gamers feel that the peripheral is pointless because it lacks “hardcore” games but others hate how developers are shoehorning ancillary features it into “core” games. On the other hand, some gamers like the new directions or are ambivalent to the current trend. How do you feel about how Microsoft is positioning Kinect and what directions would you like to see them take in the future with it?
The main reason for the backlash that Kinect has received is because Microsoft initially aimed it at casual gamers. I didn’t mind this so much because I’ve played quite a few casual titles in my time, but I can see why the more conventional gamers weren’t happy with it. I have Kinect; I thoroughly enjoyed Kinect Adventures
, and the small amount of time that I’ve spent with Dance Central
and Kinect Sports
, but now I want titles that aren’t just a selection of mini-games, fitness games or bad dancing games.
Microsoft based almost their entire E3 keynote speech on Kinect games, and it is now apparent that the titles to suit the more conventional gamers will be appearing. I’m intrigued to see how Kinect will integrate with “core” titles; especially as all of the future Tom Clancy titles will use Kinect in some form. Kinect will never be able to replace the controller completely though, and I wouldn’t want it to. I’m happy with the direction that it is taking, and I’ll continue to be happy as long as the decent Kinect games keep coming.OBJ - In the past few months, I’ve read several columns/articles about strong female characters (or lack thereof) in games. BioWare has recently taken a big step by saying that “Fem Shep” will be part of the marketing push for Mass Effect 3. As a female gamer, how do you feel about the state of female protagonists/characters in games? Is the industry doing enough to sate the desire of gaming-gals with strong women in games?
PL - Unfortunately, we have to face the fact that the majority of gamers are male and, if my friends are anything to go by, men prefer to empathise with a male character, hence the abundance of male leads. However, developers do seem to be including more female characters in their games in recognition of the fact that the number of female gamers is increasing, or at least becoming more vocal.
In some games, I don’t think that it is so much about the lack of female characters; it is more to do with the lack of customisation options. Whenever I do have a chance to customise my character, I like to be able to pick a female lead. If the character’s traits have no consequence on how the character behaves in-game, then there shouldn’t be any reason why there isn’t a female option. If I have to empathise with a character of my own creation, then I want as close a representation of me in the game as is possible. I think that this is the most common complaint from female gamers.
I’d just like to make it clear though that I wouldn’t avoid a game if it doesn’t have a female lead, and personally it doesn’t effect my immersion in the story. Some games don’t suit female protagonists; they have a story to tell that needs to be told from a male perspective - L.A. Noire
is a perfect example. There were few (if any) women serving in the police force in the 1940’s, so the protagonist has to be male. I’m not completely taken with Cole Phelps, but that’s not because he is male; it’s because he doesn’t seem to have a sense of humour and he is too serious at times. As long as a gamer can empathise with the protagonist, it doesn’t matter what gender they are.OBJ – I understand your feelings on Cole, I just finished L.A. Noire and found him to be engaging, but also humorless. Often times longer games, like L.A. Noire, end up creating a backlog of “games to be played”. How big is your current backlog, which title do you plan on starting next and is there a game in your backlog you don’t think you’ll ever play?
PL - I’m not going to tell you the exact size of my backlog, because it’s embarrassing. There are three things that you need to bear in mind though:
1) The size of our game collection.
2) The number of consoles and handhelds that we own.
3) The fact that I missed a huge chunk of gaming time between the SEGA Master System and the latter years of the Playstation 2 – a gap that I’m currently wanting to close to a certain extent.
You probably get the picture now. I recently got rid of some Playstation games that I had bought with the total intention of playing them. After a while though, I realised that I was never going to get around to them. They included titles such as Mission Impossible
and Tomorrow Never Dies
I don’t know which game I’m going to play next to be honest, but I have three on the go at the moment that I want to finish first. I’m playing L.A. Noire
on the Playstation 3, Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros’ Treasure
on the Wii, and Pic Pic
on the DS. When I do want to choose another game to play through, I tend to put the names into Raffle King
, and let it choose one for me.OBJ - Since we tend to be an achievements-focused site, I’m going to ask you a potentially-gauche question here. Do you think 100%ing a game affects its replayability? In effect, do you stop playing a game after getting all of the achievements?
PL - I actually addressed this in a blog post in April. It really depends on the game from my point of view. Scene It? Lights, Camera, Action
is a party game that I usually do horribly with when I don’t have any help. Once I’d got all of the achievements from that game, I finished with it. In contrast, Trials HD
is a perfect example of a game that I haven’t finished with, despite getting all of the achievements six months previously. I still try to better my times, and I’m still getting more custom tracks from my friends.
I guess the short answer is that it depends whether there is any more gameplay to be had out of the game. If there are still things to do, then I’ll continue to play; if nothing remains, then I’ll cross the game off my list and start another one.OBJ - Your trophy case is pretty flush with achievements. Which one are you most proud of and why?
PL - If we count the game completions as well, then it would probably have to be Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2
. I got all of the kills without boosting, and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I did boost the Attack & Defend achievements, but in total I must have put about 150 hours into that game. I could run through the story blindfolded on Realistic difficulty by the time that I had finished with it.
If we don’t count game completions, then it would have to be Marathon in Trials HD
. I admit that I didn’t even attempt this before the patch, but I was still quite proud when I did unlock it. I lost count of the number of attempts that it took, and my hands were shaking when I crossed the finish line of the 20th track. It had a much higher ratio when I got the achievement too.OBJ - After this week’s Supreme Court ruling in the United States, many international gamers shared their feelings on their country’s policy on games rating systems, their legal enforcement and governmental censorship of content. How do you, as a gamer, feel about the UK’s policy on games and their censorship?
PL - The current policy in the UK seems fair to me. Game outlets will refuse to sell certificated games to a minor unless a parent is present. If consent is given, they will sell the game to the parent. My friend owns a small independent game shop, and if in doubt, he would much rather lose a sale than run the risk of selling a game to a minor. Fun fact: due to a mistake with legislation in 1984, the rules restricting the sale of certificated games to minors couldn’t legally be enforced between August 2009 and December 2009. Despite this, most retailers still enforced the rules on their premises until the new act was drawn.
The UK is pretty good when it comes to censoring games, and although a handful of games had to be edited and resubmitted, none have ever received an outright ban. There are no restrictions on the displaying of certificated titles, and I hope that this is how the situation remains in the future. The sales of select games will only suffer if there are restrictions on how and where they can be displayed.OBJ - Do you have a favorite beverage (of the alcoholic or non-alcoholic variety) or snack that you enjoy while gaming?
PL - I’ll occasionally have a bag of crisps or chocolate somewhere nearby when I game, but I try not to eat too much when I’m gaming so that I don’t get grease on the controller. Unfortunately, due to medical reasons, I have to be really careful with the things that I can drink, so I usually have either a mug of milk or a glass of water nearby. It’s not very rock & roll, is it?OBJ – It’s hard to rock & roll if you’re sauced and greasy… not everyone is Slash.
Is there one particular IP or gaming franchise that you would like to see rebooted and, if so, HOW would you like to see it done?
The only series that I can think of is Half Life. I hate being left on a cliff-hanger. I’m the sort of person who waited until all of the Harry Potter books had been published before even thinking about starting the series. The fact that Half Life 2: Episode 3
, or even any news on the series, has yet to be released means that I’m just going to be irritated when I finally get to the ending of Episode 2
. I don’t really mind how it is done; as long as Valve actually gets it done then I’ll be happy.OBJ - And now, Punky, prepare yourself for the high-voltage shock of the lightning round!
Favorite 360 Game (Retail)
PL - Borderlands
– I have over a week’s worth of game time saved on this game.OBJ - Favorite Arcade Game
PL - Trials HD
hands downOBJ - Best game protagonist
PL - I really like Sherlock Holmes to be honest. I enjoy the games, even if they’re not the best, and he’s the perfect example of a good-intentioned-yet-flawed character.OBJ - Best game villain
I’d probably go with GLaDOSOBJ - Best game ending
PL - I really liked the ending of Gears of War
. The boss fight was a challenge, and the ending set the scene quite well for http://www.trueachievements.com/Gears-of-War-2-xbox-360.htm
. The sequel, in contrast, was a bit of a letdown when it came to the ending.OBJ - Favorite developer
PL - Rockstar; closely followed by Harmonix.OBJ - Most overrated game
PL - My friends and fiancé love http://www.trueachievements.com/Monday-Night-Combat-xbo....htm
but I just can’t get into it at all. I did most of the achievements using two controllers.OBJ - Most underrated game
PL - Does this have to be a 360 game? If not, I’d go with Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros’ Treasure
. I love it, but it’s one of the lesser-known, quality Wii games.OBJ - Game you wish the 360 had, but doesn’t
PL - Red Johnson’s Chronicles
. I want to try this, but the PSN doesn’t have a demo. If it was on XBLA, it would have a demo so that I could try before I buy.OBJ - If you could have lunch/a drink with one game developer, member of the games media or gaming celebrity, who would it be?
PL - Ninjabee, then I could grill them on the chances of DLC for A World of Keflings
.OBJ - Any final thoughts, shout-outs or soap-box statements?
PL - There are three things that I’d like to say from a Newshound point of view. Firstly, as mentioned before, we are recruiting for the Newshound team
. If you do fancy joining us then send your application to Matrarch
, and don’t forget to include a sample article as stated at the end of the application questions!
Secondly, please bear in mind that we are volunteers and that we give up our free time to write news articles for you. We do occasionally make mistakes, but the trolling from the minority that has resulted from these mistakes is unnecessary; a polite comment goes a lot further. Regardless though, if you have any concerns or suggestions about the reporting of the news, please feel free to send a PM to either Matrarch or myself, and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
Finally, we do appreciate the help from the community who spot news items before we do. For those of you who are unaware of the feature, there is a Suggest News
page for members to send in their news suggestions. This can be found under the Useful Links menu at the top of every page, and credit is given when a suggestion is used.
As for me personally, thanks for having me here. I hope that my ramblings didn’t send anybody to sleep
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… just kidding.
There you have it, folks, PunkyLiar… #1 on the News Leaderboard and #1 in your gaming hearts.
With that in mind, I have several people vying to be the NEXT community interview but, as always:
If you’d like to be featured in a Community Interview, or want to be a solid citizen and nominate someone more awesome than yourself, send a PM to me, osubluejacket
. FYI – You’re MUCH
more likely to be picked if you’re well-written, interesting, funny and/or have tasty snack treats/bribes to offer. I’m dead serious, there… I accept bribes… just don’t tell anyone.