If you paid money for Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II, I just want to tell you how absolutely, positively sorry I am for you. Even if you got it at a 90% discount, I’m sorry. If you live somewhere where the barter system is still in effect, and you traded a perfectly good handful of rice, or even just an attractive looking piece of glass that you found on the beach, I’m sorry. If this was lent to you by a friend, they are not your friend.
I’m really not sure what they were thinking when they decided they were going to make a sequel to the first one. Not to spoil it for anyone who wants to play it, but they tied up that ending pretty nicely. Not that digging out that old cloning trope didn’t fix that up, I guess. Shall we have one of the clones going around doing bad things so that the main character has to clear his name? How about the whole first game just being a dream? While we’re working with this caliber of ideas, why don’t we just have Darth Vader trip over one of Starkiller’s dropped lightsabers, leaving him with a broken leg. Then, Starkiller has to go around wearing a poorly made Vader costume, pretending to be him for the rest of the game. Here’s an example of one of the quick time events:
Starkiller – “The rebels are…”
Emperor – “Your voice sounds strange, Lord Vader. It’s much clearer than usual.
PRESS A!!!
SUCCESS!
Starkiller – “Uh, I have been taking lozenges. Grate-sized ones.”
Emperor – “Excellent. Have you also tried that herbal colon cleanser I brought back from Dagobah? It’s supposed to help you create less of a mess in your…waste pipe.”
I have just created a story that is vastly superior to the one in this game. If you really want a breakdown of their story, I’ll give it to you. You’re a clone. You want to see your girlfriend. That is it. I’m completely serious. You’re probably thinking I’m joking around, or exaggerating it. Well, when a game has four areas, and the fourth area is just the first area all over again, there’s not much room for a lot of story. Maybe there’s a lot of character development if the plot doesn’t do much. Nope. Starkiller whines about wanting his girlfriend no matter how many people are in danger from his selfishness. He will do this for the whole game. When he says that he doesn’t care about anything else, he really means that. He’s a hateful character, but more in a way that stems from the developers mashing just enough plot together to get the game from point to point.
There isn’t a lot else to drag you along, either. The graphics are passable, using pretty much the same engine the first game did. That game looked dated when it came out too, mostly due to the focus on being able to manipulate almost anything with your force powers. With that system ready from the get-go, there’s no excuse as for why this game looks like a launch title. Also, with its length, you’d think that more than one place would look different. The rest of the game is spent in metal hallways fighting stormtroopers and their minor variants. Oh, and a few robots.
Music? That’s great! It was also great when it was in the movies that this game stole them from. As for putting these tracks into the game, it only serves to drive home the theme behind this game: Laziness. How do you make 60$ off of someone with the least effort? This game is an object lesson in that, with boring, repetitive levels; a short, incoherent, lackluster narrative; a whiny, unlikable protagonist; and a final boss that could not hope to touch the end of the last game.
Maybe the knew that going in. Sure, the first one was flawed, but it reached so high and hard that you couldn’t stay too mad at it. This game is happy to wallow in the mud. It reads like a fanfic, and plays with the same amount of heart a politician would put into making a Pac-Man clone for his campaign website. If you can afford this game, tell you what. Get yourself 50$ in whiskey and download Super Meat Boy. You will never regret that purchase.
1.0